Let me preface this by saying this isnt a vague and pointed jab at the people in my life, but rather a general Public Service Announcement. If youre reading this and thinking, Huuuh... I wonder if hes talking about me... Im not, Im just looking to express some things and hope people take something away from it. So lets get to the point. People get this notion of toxic relationships. Its a guilt-free card to get out of your obligations to someone when the going gets rough. Some people are toxic and they just cause you too much pain and heartache to keep around. Thats true, and its good to get rid of those bad influences in your life. The problem here is twofold. First, human beings are too stupid to possibly comprehend their situation or what theyre doing. Elaborate? A catastrophe (in the human mind) can be anything from mass holocaust to getting a papercut. Humans are so ill-equipped for reasoning that its pretty unlikely youre going to grasp the concept of toxic or its severity. Secondly, its way too easy to leave people behind. All you have to do is send them an arbitrary text message or simply stop talking to them altogether. The beauty of this system is the delusion inherent. You can take a friend whom you love, someone you have the best wishes for and have great memories with that arent even a month old. You can take this person and instantaneously justify permanently removing them from your life. You can cast aside every fondness, every time youve laughed with them or been excited to see them, and you can cut them out because of whatever quality theyve taken that you deem toxic. You can do all of this without ever even looking them in the eyes. What happens next is what gets me. Because when you cut someone out of your life, particularly someone you were close to, its not a clean break. Especially in the modern world there are so many feelings that dont get expressed. As much as it sucks, sometimes you deserve to get yelled at, and the people you wound deserve to yell. The way it is, it just all stops. All those feelings that person had just rot in their hearts, and all their memories turn sour. All they have left is the darkest version of you, and youve officially become the toxic person that you thought you were getting rid of. Youve become a stranger that will hurt them, maybe even indefinitely, because after you leave theres nothing to sever, just feelings that still exist within themselves. As far as hiding behind text, I get it. Its safer to say goodbye when you dont have to get yelled at or take a punch. Its easier to pretend you never loved them if you dont have to look them in the eyes, or have them remind you all the reasons why you really do. You just have to be quick, or you might realize that youd rather fix things instead! Thats not right, and youre not justified. I can talk about this, because Im guilty of it. Ive taken people I loved and convinced myself that it was easier (and better for both of us) to cut them out than to make things work. Every memory I have of those people is like a road that just stops. You know there shouldve been more there, but it just isnt. In case you were wondering, this royally sucks and its a lot to deal with. Some people dont even feel this, theyve forced themselves to believe in their own justification so much that theyll never even comprehend that they mightve been wrong to do it. Now Im not saying that everyone deserves this kind of consideration. Sometimes things are genuinely beyond your control and you need to just cut ties. In fact, its pretty obvious when this is the case. Just dont get confused and wind up cutting someone out that you still really loved, and dont close the book without penning the final chapter. That goes the same if youve been cut out, you cant justify breaking ties by reasoning that they did it first. If that person mattered to you, resolve to seek out a real ending. An unfinished story festers in the mind throughout eternity. Oh, and by the way, if youre a third party and you witness this. Youre equally to blame, and no less toxic than either of them. Help the people you care about and ensure that you all still care about each other as time goes on. This has been a wall of text PSA, and I hope you learned something from it or at least enjoyed my opinion.
Posted on: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 09:13:27 +0000
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