Letter written from Cassie to Levi after his diagnosis / Cassie Woolley (Sister) Hi Levi, We had dinner together at Mum and Dad’s tonight. They are taking it hard but Dad spoke to us all about how he is feeling and struggling for understanding, and how he does not want us to become bitter because of what is happening to you. It was a special moment and I only wish that you are closer so we can share more of this time with you. It is likely that some or all of us will fly over at some point. We don’t want to get in the way, but do want to offer any help or support that we are able to give. Nads really doesn’t know what to do, she dearly wants to come but her pregnancy makes this tricky. It is now 11pm Sunday night and I’m sitting here at my computer contemplating the meaning of everything. I can only imagine that having your life cut short is cause to search for meaning in your life. I wanted to share with you how you have affected my life and let you know of the memories that I hold dear. I went to a funeral last year and they read some letters from friends and I thought how sad that she didn’t get to hear those lovely things that they said about her in person. So I wanted to tell you before it was too late. I remember us as children building a large fort type thing in the sand in the backyard using all of our toy animals. I remember playing barbies with you. I remember when you got He-man and I got She-ra for Christmas and playing with those. I remember watching you at sports games. I think it was soccer. I remember babysitting you and making you hide in the cupboard because I thought someone was coming to get us. A less fond memory is when you threw a block of firewood at me! It was memorable though. As teenagers we shared a love of books, especially those dragonlance ones. When we lived in Tonga I remember being so scared when you were shipped off to hospital in Sydney. I just kept praying for you over and over and over. For me the best memories are at BYU Hawaii. I remember you and your friends coming to Hale 1 on Sundays for a meal. Going to the beach and to swapmeet. Watching you push your canoe. Going to the movies. But the memory that I hold dearest is when my heart was broken and I felt I just wanted to curl up and hide. You walked with me, around and around and around that circle while I cried and cried. I think you volunteered to beat him up and probably would have if I had let you. I will always remember how you were there for me then. I am crying so much I can barely see now. I can’t imagine how this feels for you. I am devastated for you and for Shalon and for your kids, but my life will go on. I can tell you that your experience this year has given my life more meaning in that I understand now how quickly it can be taken away, and I am making more room in my life for the really important things. I played barbies with megan yesterday for the first time in ages. It was so good to just be there with her and for her. I am reading to my kids every night now because I know any night could be the last. I heard my husband sobbing for you last night as he read your conversation with Mum and it makes me realise even more how blessed I am with a compassionate and loving man in my life. None of this helps you I know. I want you to know that we will do everything in our power to ensure that your family is taken care of. I know there are many others that feel the same way. While I have a penny to my name they will not go without. When they grow up I will write to them about their dad and what a special person he was and how he showed me that sometimes just walking with someone is all you can do. I hope that I get the chance to walk with you and be there for you. I am grateful that you found a loving and wonderful wife and that you have had the chance to experience the love that parenthood brings. It sure is hard sometimes but I never could have imagined the love you can have for your own child. I don’t know what else to say. I am angry and overwhelmingly sad that this has happened to you. I am glad I had to chance to tell you all of this before it was too late. I love you and I hope I can tell you that again in person. I know that you want to take the kids to Disneyland and if you are up to it we will do everything we can to make that happen. I want to tell you to come and visit me afterwards and tell me why these things happen but it sounds silly to say it out loud. If you visit anyone it should be mum. I spoke to a lady last week who said that when her mum died she and her family really felt like there were spirits there to welcome her. I don’t think I have ever told anyone but when I was young I often felt that grandpa trudgen was watching over me and I would sometimes talk to him. I am sure he and Uncle Andrew will be there to welcome you and I hope that you will finally get some peace after going through hell this year. You have lived a good and honourable life and we are all proud of how strong you have been through these awful times. I will see you soon. I love you. Cassie
Posted on: Fri, 14 Jun 2013 10:25:52 +0000
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