Living a life of isolation tends to cause people to commit suicide. To spend their lives in and out of prisons or mental institutions. Scientific studies prove the devastating effects of prolonged isolation. A baby, isolated -- no human interaction... No touching, no holding, no talking -- only to lie alone, being served food (also without human interaction)... Within days, became despondent, only acting by taking its hands and trying to claw out its own eyes. That is how I have lived most of my life. In isolation. Very little proximity to others. No one talking to me (even talking around me as though I am invisible). Almost no physical interaction -- minimal hugging, never been kissed, or had my hand held... Yet, I managed to survive it up to this point. Not many people understand, even remotely, what life is like when you feel as though no one in the world wants you. On days where I dont make the initial contact, my phone remains utterly silent. Has anyone ever called you, and you were overjoyed at the notion that someone took the time to call you? Or when you receive a text message, that you have a wonderful feeling because someone took the time to say hello? Have you ever felt the sadness of feeling no one ever calls or checks up on you when youre having a hard time? That you are the one putting in all the effort? Wondering that this situation is because you are a burden -- that because they talk to you, not out of care, but just so as not to be rude (because I have had people berate me, saying, if they never talk first, its because they dont want to talk to you -- and if I acted on that, I could just throw my phone away) or hurt your feelings... When you feel everyone just tolerates you... And that no one actually enjoys your company... For over 30 years, and you are age 34... And even now, a person might initiate contact with you once a week (but not always the same person), and only a small few people hug you (while everyone else goes around hugging everyone but you -- then they just pretend you arent even there, or look at you like theyre saying to themselves, oh God, please dont make me hug him)... To say it messes with ones head is perhaps reasonable, yes? So keep thinking Im whiny, or needy, or whatever. I have had to survive hell all alone. I can take care of myself, and God takes care of me far more than I can. You may think Im weak, but unless you know the true depths of despair involved in living in such isolation, and have survived it yourself... I am probably far stronger now than you might ever hope to be.
Posted on: Wed, 09 Apr 2014 23:35:23 +0000
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