Long post alert. Seven years ago, I was sitting in my bedroom at our townhouse in Dallas, on the phone with family. They called to tell me that my cousin, Gary Wayne, had passed away. Cancer took him from us at 41, leaving his awesome wife and triplets behind. I was heartbroken, and angry. Like, put a hole in the wall angry. I was so mad at God for taking him away. He was such a great man; a man who changed lives, who celebrated his family. He was on the track to being an incredible dad to three beautiful babies. He was fit; he was healthy, yet out of the blue, this disease chose him to be its target. His fight wasnt long, but all the while I wondered, Why him? Why not me? At the time, I had no kiddos. I had been in one failed marriage. I was living a rock n roll lifestyle, drinking, smoking, staying up to all hours of the night ad nauseum. I mocked God, I did whatever I felt without fearing consequence. I wondered what kind of God would let this happen. If everything is in his plans, if he is truly omniscient, then why not let that cancer take someone with lesser purpose on this earth? I grew more cold and angry every day because of this, and after his passing, I nearly closed my heart to everything. Since that time, Ive learned a lot. Ive studied a lot. Ive re-evaluated my own purpose, and am trying to do my best to make the most of whatever time I have here on this rock. But not by pleasing myself anymore. Im living for Him, as best I can, and doing what I feel I am let to do through Christ. All that being said, every time this day rolls around, Im taken back to that fateful phone call and those feelings of anger start to fire up. Those questions sneak back in from my subconscious and I have to pray and focus to remember where I am and where Gary is, too. I know; I have faith, and I know that he is in Heaven. He sees his kids every day. He kisses them with every breeze, and he watches Bonnie (his wife) as she grows into one of the most dynamic, wonderful parents those trips could ever ask for. I have no doubt that hes working with Christ to guide their lives and make them all the best that they can be. So, as the day closes, I want to say I miss you, GW. I wish we would have lived closer; I wish we would have been able to make more trips down there to visit you, Bonnie and the kids before you went Home. But I will always, always treasure the times we had growing up, and especially that last visit in the late summer where we just sat and chatted about everything. Seven years flies by. Thanks for being our angel, and well see you again, someday.
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 20:13:34 +0000
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