Losing a Loved One Nine years ago this summer I lost my son in a drowning accident and this was one of the most difficult times in my life. Recently I was reminded of this dark time in my life as I tried to reach out to two family friends that are currently dealing with the death of a loved one. One friend lost his sister due to her losing a battle that she fought with cancer. The other family friends lost their daughter much too young to an unexpected car accident. Both of these tragedies got me thinking about death and the pain associated with it, especially when it is a loved one. Over the years, in addition to the death of my son I experienced the death of a sibling, the death of both of my parents, and the death of various assorted friends and family. Looking back on this, I can say that of all of these deaths, without a doubt, the hardest to deal with was the death of my son. Most of us expect to someday bury our parents. If we live long enough, we expect to bury siblings and someday, perhaps even our spouse; but none of us really ever expect to bury a child. There is nothing I have found in life that prepares parents for that type of pain and loss. These recent deaths, experienced by my friends brought back memories of that dark and difficult time in my life and some of the important things I learned that helped me to deal with the pain and the loss. It is my hope that in sharing this experience from my own life, that it can help others that currently are or will someday deal with the death of a loved one. My memory of this time in my life, is that it was a very emotional time filled with much pain and many dark thoughts. I can remember being at the funeral home with my wife, planning the funeral and breaking down in tears as I was flooded with thoughts that I did not want my son buried alone as I did not want him to be scared. I remember talking about burying his ashes with my mother in her grave so that he would not be alone and afraid. It took a while for reason and rational thought to return, but eventually it did return. Upon calming down, I realized that my son was not being buried, it was just the body being buried. I realized that we are all created in the image of God, which means we are both body and soul. When we die, our body returns to the dust and our spirit returns to God. Like so many others, during this dark time in my life, my mind was filled with many thoughts and questions. Why did I have to go through this? Why did my son have to die and why now? Why did God allow my son to die? The even darker thought, was why did God do this to me, why did God take my son from me? In my pain, for a short time I entertained these thoughts and questions while brooding upon them. Eventually, God in His love for me, helped me to see these thoughts and questions for what they really were. God helped me to see that they were simply lies from the pit of hell designed to shift the blame for this tragedy to God rather than where it really belonged. I was very fortunate during this time of my life that I knew enough of the truth of God’s word to recognize these lies for what they were, but many are not so fortunate. Over the years I have witnessed numerous families that experienced the death of a loved one, especially a child; and watched as that family was completely consumed and destroyed by their loss. In my mind, I have always considered the death of a loved one a real tragedy, especially when it involves the loss of a child, but I believe it only compounds the tragedy when we allow such a loss to destroy the entire family. It is my hope that in sharing the truths that God shared with me that it will help others to deal with their own loss. In the first chapter of the book of Genesis, the Bible gives the story of when God created the heavens and the earth, and all that they contain, including people. The first 25 verses deals with the creation of the physical world in which we live before God creates man in verse 26. What I find particularly interesting about this story is what I read in verses 10, 12, 18, 21, and 25. As we read this first chapter of the Bible, we see a loving and generous God who chose to create a physical world for people to live in so that He could share His love with people. We read the story of a loving God that took His time to create a beautiful and perfect world, that could met every possible need and desire of mankind. And because God wanted it all to be perfect, to be just right for the people that He would create, in verses 10, 12, 18, 21, and 25 we see that at different points during creation, God stopped to check everything out and make sure that it was just right and to make sure that it was perfect for the people He was about to create. And it was only after God checked out everything He had made and ensured that it was good (perfect) that He made mankind. As God, He had the right to create us to be mere servants to serve His every whim and desire, but that is not what He did. Genesis 1:26-28 says; “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” In short, rather than making us to be His servants, God made us in His own image to be His children; and as His children, He gave to us the gift of this beautiful and perfect world that He made just for us. God gave it all to us to explore, to enjoy, and to rule over (exercise dominion over). As I thought about these things, I realized that God loved me, that God loved my son, and that God loves each and every person that has ever lived or that ever will live. As I contemplated these things, I understood that God never wanted any of us to experience sickness and death, never wanted any of us to experience pain and loss. I realized that God always wanted only the very best for us, that He only wanted us to be happy. So what happened, what went so horribly wrong that we now have to deal with sickness, with death, with loss, and with pain and suffering? The 3rd chapter of Genesis tells us what happened. In this chapter we see that one day mankind had to make a choice concerning what they would believe about God, about His motives and intentions, and upon His trustworthiness and character. We see that mankind chose to believe the worst concerning God, and that they chose to believe a lie that said that God was lying to them and trying to make a fool of them. In this chapter we see that mankind stopped trusting in and following God, and chose instead to follow another (the devil) and rebel against God. As we read the rest of this chapter and the next few chapters, we see that once mankind started down this road things went downhill very quickly. We see that sickness and death were introduced to the world. We see that sin, including murder, spread very quickly. We see that guilt and shame became the norm, and that people began to run and hide from God rather than acknowledge the wrong that they had chosen. By the 6th chapter of Genesis, we see that mankind had become so corrupt and so evil, that God became sorry that He had made them. In verses 10 through 13 we see that God was frustrated because mankind was filling the earth with evil and violence. In this chapter, we see that in an effort to limit the amount of evil and violence that people could cause and spread, that God decreed that all of mankind would have a limited amount of time on this earth, that they would no longer live on earth forever. In Genesis 6:3-6 we read; “And the LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years. There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown. And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.” In short, God never wanted for us to experience death, but He had to eventually limit our time on earth to limit the damage that sinful people could do. During this dark time in my life, God reminded me that He never lied to me or my son. He never told us that we would live forever in this life upon earth. In addition to the scripture above where He limits the life of mankind to a hundred and twenty years, He assures us all, that one day, every one of us must experience death for our self. Hebrews 9:27 “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.” In short, God makes it very clear that all of us have an appointment with death. While we should never forget that God can and sometimes does actually override the laws of nature to heal people or protect people from death, He is under no obligation to do so, and in fact rarely does. But why is that? God never wanted us to experience loss, pain, sickness, suffering, or death; rather these things are a part of our life as a natural consequence of the sinful choices of humanity. Any of us that have ever raised children that we loved and wanted the best for, understand that we do our children a disservice when we shield them from the natural consequences that comes along with their bad choices. Humanity as a whole, made some bad choices, and the natural consequences of those bad choices is the suffering, pain, sickness, and death that we now experience. While God, for His own good reasons will sometimes intervene, more often than not, He allows mankind to experience and deal with the consequences of our choice. As people that believe in God and His love, there is nothing wrong with praying for God to intervene and help, heal, or protect our loved ones, but it is wrong to get mad at Him, if He chooses to allow nature to take its course. During those dark days of my life, as I dealt with the loss of my son, God reminded me of something else. God reminded me of 1 Peter 5:8 which says; “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” He reminded me of John 10:10-11 which says; “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.” In short, God reminded me that if I was going to be mad at someone, it should not be God that I was made at, rather it should be the devil that I should be mad at. After all, God wanted me and my son to have life, in fact He wanted us to have an abundant life. It was the devil that came to steal life from me and to steal life from my son. God went on to remind me of just how much He loved me, how much He loved my son, how much He loves all of us. He reminded me of John 3:16-17 which says; “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” God reminded me, that even though He had every reason to reject us as we had rejected Him, even though He had every reason to just leave us to our own devices to experience the consequences of our poor choices; He chose instead to love us and to prove His love for us by giving us the gift of His own son. And when we accept this gift from God, God makes us His children and gives us a promise of eternal life in heaven with Him, when we depart from this world. In Romans 5:8 the Bible tells us; “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” As I dealt with the loss of my son, and thought about all of these things that God had shared with me from His word, there was one last truth that He shared with me. In Matthew 12:30 Jesus reminded me of this truth; “He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.” I came to realize, that loosing people we love, especially children is a great tragedy and hard for us to deal with, but if I allowed the death of my son to drive me and my family away from God, then the tragedy would only be compounded; and I was not willing to give the devil the satisfaction of destroying my entire family through the death of my son. At that time, both my wife and my self, made a choice to continue to trust in God and in His love for us and our family. We made a choice, that regardless of our loss, we would continue to trust in, to follow, and to serve the God that had created us and had loved us so much. We made a choice to be mad at the devil rather than be mad at God. We made a choice that we would spend our life working with God and His church, to expose the lies and the works of the devil; that we would spend our lives teaching others to turn to God for love and comfort in times of distress rather than running from Him in anger and frustration. To all who are dealing with or will one day deal with the death of a loved one, it is my hope that these truths from the word of God will bring you some measure of peace and comfort as you realize that God takes no pleasure in our pain or suffering; that He never wanted anything but good for us. It is my hope that you will be comforted by the understanding that God had to limit our time on this earth for our own good and that He desires for us to spend eternity with Him in heaven when we depart from this world. And it is my hope, that you too will make the choice to stand with God to limit the destruction that the devil is able to bring rather than allowing the devil to further the tragedy by turning you against the God that loves you so greatly.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 21:47:42 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015