Losing myself Since my birth Ive been on a journey. At eleven, I found out I was good at writing. To see my words evolve over years, it meant little at the time. At sixteen, I was pouring my heart into a journal. Gold lined pages, and a hard leather cover. But, still my voice wasnt as clear. At twenty, I was losing everything I owned. Living in the front seat of my car, Drifting from house to house for somewhere else to sleep, Stealing video games for food, and shivering into summer. Constant ups and downs, the pull of the never ending tide. To see myself rise so high, under the comfort of a stable roof, and leave it all behind, to forge my own path, without religion, without a steady hand, without guidance, without friends. In a way, I raised myself. From broken glass, and old photographs. Memories of things at times I wish I could replace, To see myself sink from a distance, I still wouldnt offer my past self a hand. We endure hardships for a reason, to make mistakes, we live and we learn. To see myself love for the second time, to view it with the eyes of a bird, who finally learned what it meant to fly, I broke the wings of my history, So I could endure the worst. Because only the best could come. I lived through the months of insanity, losing my soul and my mind. To see myself finally as corrupt as I could have ever become, a jagged piece of a broken mirror, collapsed upon my bedroom floor. But in the end, I saw the finish line, realized I was a piece to a puzzle I didnt quite understand, and unfathomable existence, to play a part in a game, that you never knew you had a hand in. The changing of seasons. I realized that broken people, find comfort beside those who are also broken, and at the time I couldnt comprehend. People come into your world for a reason, whether to break you, or to show you how to mend. There is always a purpose to the things that unfold, behind your eyes, into the depths of your own consciousness, how blind we are to the ways of the world. That moving, shifting sense of illusion. When I finally realized, I was far too gone to save. I took comfort in water, extinguished my soul filled with fire, and swallowed my innocence, took it down like the most disgusting of liquids, and watched as it rippled through me like poison, flowing right out through my veins. I was dying. Left in the midst of lingering shadows, that I now acknowledged as friends. They were there as shrouded figures, speaking to me in the early hours. Like a man woman, I dreamed of my future, laid out perfectly for my own mind. The end was clear, The path illuminated with lights, to the end where I would finally see two sides to a coin, that I had never known I tossed. Its usually at the times when youre at the bottom, that all you know how to do is climb. I rose from the murky waters, that once appeared crystalline and welcoming, emerged purified from the waters of salvation, and I flew, for the first time in my entire life.
Posted on: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 13:24:42 +0000