Loving a toddler requires an inception. This inception of love throws you below the surface. It breaks the surface tension of the water, allowing you to really reach deep down to your childs heart. You can choose to be as a rock, and to skip along the surface of your child, hitting, hitting, hitting, then sinking too far away from his heart with a plop. Or you can choose to be as gentle as a drop of water, to literally break your own Self down, molecule by molecule so as to be absorbed into his heart. This way allows you to reach deep into his center, the level of closeness and trust required to guide a child through hard times. Try to throw yourself as hard as you can against your child during a fight or over an issue. You will swing high and toss your Self far across the expanse, skipping, skipping. You will feel effective. You will feel strong. You will count your skips as wins. It is truly harder to gently break your own Self down instead, and to keep going even when youre tired, or impatient, or dont see impressive improvement, or dont want to change your Self to help your child. When your child is screaming in the middle of the night, it is easy to skip a rock across the surface. He needs to learn. You go back to sleep. It is far more difficult to begin letting that water etch against your rock hard heart, to get up every time, every night. To show her an expression of compassion on your face and not irritation. To follow a routine you find boring or long just for her comfort. When your child runs up to the baby and shoves him to the ground, it is easy to throw your arm wide, and to skip your hand against her butt, or to send a loud yell across the lake. How dare she hurt the baby. Shes older, she knows better. Youll make this skip count. It is far more difficult to instead make yourself smaller, to drop to the ground, to comfort the baby and then turn to your toddler and suddenly warmly embrace her, hold her close, remind her that she is your beloved and that you are there to help, not to hurt. It requires disciplining yourself. It requires breaking yourself down to fall below the surface. I have a challenge for you. Do you think my words are pretty? Fanciful. Perhaps even foolish? Then I challenge you to do this tomorrow. Look for a situation. What some call a misdeed, a misbehavior, acting out, a bad situation, whatever. Wait for that moment. Wait for when your heart turns into a rock and you raise your voice or your arm to skip across the surface of your child. And instead of throwing something at your child, tomorrow I want you to release the grip on your rock hard heart. I want you to soften your face. I dare you to rush to your childs side and immediately, genuinely, and fully pick up your child and embrace deeply. And tell your child, No matter what, I will always love you. I am here for you. What do you need? Then look into your childs eyes. Come back and tell me what you see below the surface.
Posted on: Mon, 10 Nov 2014 02:59:24 +0000
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