M&B’S did a strong number on us o! those little brightly colored romance books that we fed on in the nineties did rubbish to the female psyche and did not even bother to inform men what they were expected to be like. If only young boys read those books then none of us would have a problem. But nope, while we were busy building castles in the air, the boys were busy reading Ikebe Super, lolly aka the only literature that prepared them for relating with women. First of all why were all the men in these books richer than the females? They were executives, millionaires, professionals that had one thing in common they were wealthier than the women they were after. Of course, now that we are grown up, we know it does not work out that way but in our hearts, that remains the ideal. Another thing was that they were always older than the women. Most of the time considerably older. What is it with that? I know tons of women that won’t give a younger man a chance even if the older ones are not coming through. The women were rarely older than 30 as well. I guess over 30 is over the hill. Why were the women always so inexperienced? They were mousy, shy and unsophisticated. If they were not virgins then there was always an explanation of why they had such inadequate previously unsatisfying experiences. The men were a different thing entirely! They were sophisticated men of the world who wielded their manhood with mastery comparable to the likes of Picasso or Rembrandt on canvas. Who they practiced on did not matter, what mattered was that they knew their onions and the women did not. Mtchewwww…….. Another annoying thing was that they were only CAUCASIANS!!!!! M&B’S are the most racist pieces of kashe (poop) ever written. The women were white with blue eyes or green eyes with brown hair or red hair (rarely blondes) and the men almost always had silver eyes and dark hair. There were no black or mixed race people. Come to think of it, there were no Asians as well. Love is perfect when it is between onyibo. Ok o noted Back to the men again. Short men are bad for romance. I am surprised they get married in real life. No man I have come across in these books are short. They are always lean with washboard abs and had broad shoulders. If any man out there is actually reading this, remember that girl you could have died for, trekked miles for, starved yourself to buy her stuff, hired the best writer you knew to write poems for her… you always wondered why she never said yes. Well, wonder no more, you were/are short. Even she could never bring herself to pin point what was missing, let me help her and you…you were short. But had it been you had waited till she was in her 30’s (past m&b qualifying age), she would have said yes. This brings me to Fifty Shades of Grey. I am sorry to bring it up and technically speaking, it is not an M&B but I think it has all the elements raised to the power of a billion (throw in a box of handcuffs, nipple clamps, twines and the red room of pain.) A lot of women claim that it was annoying but loads of others were busy buying and recommending to their friend till it was a bestseller. I am not sure men read it. A lot of bad belle authors called it bad writing but in the scheme of things, they do not matter (they should re read the English classics Ana liked so much while we play the trailer on loop…waiting eagerly..) Why was Fifty Shades of Grey so popular? Christian Grey is why. Ana is forgettable down to her brunette hair. He was surrounded with hot sophisticated women, could have had anyone that he wanted, yet he choose the clumsy very young virgin. Christian Grey was dynamic in the sack…he issued Ana a one way ticket to Jupiter with his apparently irresistible brand of debauchery. Christian Grey was a billionaire complete with Charlie Tango (his chopper which he piloted all by his big bad naughty self) and also owned a jet. He could buy the world several times over and even got her a Mac book pro that was not yet in the stores. He could fly her to Paris for lunch and back. Which woman would not want a man like that? Ana was being harassed at her office by her boss, Christian Grey bought the business and handed it over to her. This right here is just plain wrong (not that I would mind it though…) but why cant the woman be all things and get all things by herself without anyone buying it for her? Feminist shmeminist…bottom power works faster any day any time… this is why I pray for my husband to succeed so that he can hand it all over to me. It is easier to pray than work. They did a strong one on us I tell you. But life is like the mother of smelling salts, one sniff of reality we awake and manage the frogs we settled for…we look at their folded necks, huge beer guts, listen to their earth shattering wide mouthed snores and then look at the two rings of slavery intertwined with validation and we tell ourselves that we are lucky and place our heads back under the pillows to drown out the snores and go back to sleep.
Posted on: Fri, 09 Jan 2015 06:55:22 +0000
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