MARITAL FORMATION 101 (77) – CONFLICT MANAGEMENT (LOSING STREAK) Sometimes we lose in marriage because we focus on the problematic areas of our spouses and his/her family without a recourse to what they are doing right. It has been said that every cloud has a silver lining, so you can’t tell me there is no good side to your spouse. Many also believe their marital problems are from in-laws, especially when such in-laws had their choice candidate for your spouse, in which case they would always sabotage your efforts. But I learnt you can consistently win with a Jewish principle that says: ‘many are the friends of a man who constantly give gifts.’ It may take time for in-laws to accept you but you must not live up to their self-fulfilling prophecies. Learn to surprise them with gifts and incredible care. Find out their birthdays and send surprise gifts to them. Be the one to suggest to your spouse what can be done to be a blessing to them. Never personalize and internalize whatever they say about you; keep your focus on winning. In case you are losing because your spouse gets on your nerves: take a sheet of paper and draw 2 columns: ‘Strengths’ and ‘Weaknesses.’ Start by writing 10 bad sides, and 10 good sides of your spouse. Be honest and sincere with this task. You would notice that the strengths in most cases outweigh the weaknesses. Even if your case is contrary, choose to focus on the strengths for at least 21 days, and you’d realize that your perception/feelings about your spouse would change. It is time to quit losing and begin to win. It is not going to come cheap but when you consistently do what is right and sow the right seeds, bountiful harvest – winning, is inevitable. You will succeed. I honour you To be continued.
Posted on: Thu, 04 Jul 2013 05:42:31 +0000
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