MISERABLE COMFORTERS ARE WE I have no doubt that we have all experienced the words of others who have truly meant to comfort us or those who were eager to feed us words “they” thought “we” needed to hear, words that dishearten, depress and cause anxiety, words that have truth and words that are full of lies. Job experienced such cold harsh words by those he considered to be his closest friends. Ellen White writes “By our unconscious influence others may be encouraged and strengthened, or they may be discouraged and repelled from Christ and the truth” (Steps to Christ page 120.) If the power of our words can turn one to Christ or drive one away from Christ, then we who bear the name of Christ ought to be awakened to what we say and how we say it, for we tend to His sheep that the children of the Lord may be saved through Him who gave His life. “Therefore take head to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood”. (Acts 20: 28 NKJV) As children of God we recognize through His word our carnal natures. There is no one without sin “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3: 23 NKJV) It’s understandable we make mistakes. However, regardless of our character, if we truly and sincerely take time each day in the word of God having a sincere open heart and mind, and be willing to listen for His will, through the Holy Spirit—who is our conscience—we will be awakened to His call which will caution us and beckon us to follow in the way of our Savoir. When we are willing to yield and obey His voice, we will then be changed and become less like our own person and become more like the children of Christ we were meant to be, being careful of the very things we say and do. We have been gifted a book of history, living experience in the Word of God to learn from: “For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.” (Romans 15:4 NKJV) We have learned of Job’s enduring loyalty, his devotion and steadfastness to our Lord and Savior. God referred to him as a man like no other; he was blameless, honorable, and hated evil but most of all he loved our Lord and he was—and is—an example of what our endurance and respect for God ought to be. Yet, even with the bond between him and Christ, Job’s response to his suffering was apparent to others and no different than that of you and I today: he responded to provocation, he felt hurt, anguish, anxiety, anger, resentment, he was bitter, his countenance was sad, he had fear, he loathed his life, he had doubt, he groaned, he was tormented with dreadful dreams, he lacked hope, he felt abandoned and loneliness, he complained—refusing to restrain his voice concerning his affliction—and still his grief was not relieved, when he spoke he was not heard, he was without comfort and there was no justice for him among men. Galatians 6:3 NKJV says “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Instead of being of comfort to Job, his friends believed that they had the wisdom and knowledge of his situation. They judged from outward appearance accusing him of things he had not done (Job 22 NKJV) and having no doubt in their minds that Job had sinned and deserved much more than what fell upon him. Job said to his companions “But you forgers of lies you worthless physicians. Oh, that you would be silent, And it would be your wisdom” (Job 13:4-5 NKJV) It would be wisdom for many to keep silent rather than crushing the spirit of one whom Christ died for. Many people today have those same feelings as Job had, as well as filling overwhelmed and confused with lack of “why” distress falls upon us suddenly, however its not necessarily do to a sin we’ve committed or irresponsibility on our part, but even if it were so, take heed to the words of Job. “To him who is afflicted, kindness should be shown by his friend, Even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.” (Job 6: 14 NKJV) Instead of comfort for the burdens we bear, people try to control our feelings and the length of time to grieve: “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad”. (Proverbs 12:2 NKJV 5) My understanding of this text is when a brother or sister in Christ, who has a heart that’s full of anxiety, has a wise friend in the Lord who uplifts them with the word of God brings comfort to that person. Many of us I believe misinterpret this text. Instead of giving words of comfort, they choose to tell a sorrowful spirit “if they would only put on a happy face they would feel better”, however this is not the reality of the one who’s hurting, the truth of this statement however is to ease those who try to control how others feel, rather than uplifting them with the word of God. We also accuse others of causing grief to those who are around us with “our” heavy hearts, if we would only “get the point” and put on a happy spirit all would be well, thus placing the guilt and added grief on the one already hurting. If you truly believe we have no power over other people, places, and things, and that we have a choice of how we behave and react, then how is it true that the heart of one in despair can cause others around them to be disheartened? These same people will tell you, even though they have wronged a person, they cant cause one to be angry, because “it’s their choice” well, then, don’t those who are in the presence of the down-hearted have the same choice of whether to be happy or not? Of course they do. It’s sad though that we’re oh so very good at telling others how we think they ought to feel and behave, but we’re so very poor at comforting them. Because we’re so careless with our words we end up saying hurtful, hatful and insulting things rather than seeking earnestly in prayer to relive one who is weary of their burden and comforting them in the presence of the Lord. It’s true we don’t have power over people places or things—we don’t even have control over ourselves. Those who tend to tell us how to feel, have self in mind. Rather than taking time to comfort, they’re expecting others to put on a dermal armor that we might become tough and non penetrable from people and experiences of this world, “don’t show your misery it’s not godly” or “be happy” which seems to be saying the sadness we feel and the hurt we endure is wrong, and if we fail and are not able to live up to these standards the world sets for us, we’re judged and criticized for it, and we begin filling there’s something wrong with us and we’re unable to fit in with others. “For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself”. (Romans 14: 7 NKJV) Those who follow the wisdom of Lord will know how to comfort the oppressed. “who comforts us in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God”. (2 Corinthians 1: 4 NKJV) I believe the enemy of the Lord has kept us from comforting others as God had intended, by using words that have the illusion of truth and wisdom, in-fact they add to the subjection of what one has already endured, they are not uplifting to those who are weak and weary. God said for us to comfort others with the comfort “He” has comforted us. “The inhumanity of man towards man is our greatest sin. Many think that they are representing the justice of God while they wholly fail of representing His tenderness and His great love”. (Ministry of Healing page 163 Ellen G. White.) “The church of Christ has been purchased with His blood, and every shepherd should realize that the sheep under his care cost an infinite sacrifice. He should regard them each as of priceless worth, and should be unwearied in his efforts to keep them in a healthy, flourishing condition. The shepherd who is imbued with the spirit of Christ will imitate His self-denying example, constantly laboring for the welfare of his charge; and the flock will prosper under his care.” (Patriarchs and Prophets Page 192.) What an inspiration this is, to be God’s servants and uplift the souls of those He loves to His very presence that He may fulfill His work in each of us. If we feel weary in comforting others take the example of Christ who went off by Himself to seek strength through His Father in prayer that He may continue on with His Father’s work. This was our example we ought to take up and practice each day as well, that we may be able to bear the cross of comforting others through Him. Here’s a list of a few of the words we tend to use that many of us find quite hurtful, disheartening, depressing, as well as belittling to one’s pain, the very souls of those that our Lord Jesus Christ loves. Not one soul we pass by is unimportant to our Father in heaven, nor should it be to any who bears His name. True Statements: God did not say for us to, avoid or belittle the pain of others, nor excuse those who hurt others. God makes it very clear we ought to bear the burden with them. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2 NKJV) • There’s always someone who is worse off than you- true but it deprecates the value of the one who’s suffering. • Hurting People Hurt People - true statement but treats lightly the hurt of the person in pain. • No one ever said life was fair - true “life is not fair” but this downplays one’s sorrow. • Every thing happens for a reason-true but it minimizes our grief. • It could be a lot worse-true but diminishes the heartache of the person hurting. • You perceived what you received true however, not every thing one experiences is perceived wrongly. To use this can cause harm to the one who is in need of a friend and those who say this can interpret the situation wrong as well. Personal experience has also taught me that there are people who use such a statement as this as an easy escape for what they have said or done, they tell you what you observed or what you heard was not as you experienced it. This can cause one to feel totally crazy. We need to be careful of when we use comments like this, for few people have the honesty, wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, as well as the strength to not show partiality towards others. It’s best not to use it at all. We should learn from this text when working as an intercessor between two or more people. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths”. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV) Switch Back Statements: Statements that take someone else’s moment of need and turns the focus back on you. • “Believe me, I know how you feel / I know what you’re going through / I’ve been there before”. When we share our stories of how God has lifted us up and out of the abyss, it shouldn’t be at the time we’re consoling another who’s in the moment of pain. I have finally learned the hard way through my children when one is sharing their pain; they’re in need of you, to pull a switch back will cause someone to feel they’re not being heard. We may not realize it but when we bring our stories into someone else’s pain we maneuver the conversation to our corner and immediately stopping the person from feeling what they’re going through so as to focus on what your saying. It’s the same as that of recovery groups I’ve attended where they ask you not to hand someone a Kleenex because it interferes with their emotions and they want to allow others the right to feel. Most of us are not aware of our behavior because of our pain or we’re hurting so bad it’s difficult to be there for the needs of others, some of which I believe is do to the lack of comforting as God has intended, thus a big reason for each of us to learn how to comfort as Christ has comforted us and do away with our own words we have gathered in the field of worldly wisdom. Statements that are lies as that of Sticks and Stones These are the kind of statements where people have expectations of others to put on that dermal armor and hide how they feel so as not to let others know they’re hurting. • People can’t hurt you unless you let them: This is a lie which states that we have power over others of what they say or what they do and over our own feelings, contradicting the saying “we are powerless over people, places and things”. Don’t forget without God we are powerless over ourselves and our feelings as well. • They’re only hurting themselves: another lie They’re not only hurting themselves but they are also hurting the individual they have grieved. So like that of Stick and stones will break my bones and words won’t (be honest “will”) hurt me. If we were drinking in the fountain of love daily, then our character would be of such that how we treat others will show our Christ-like character. “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35 NKJV) There is only one source where we can acquire love and that is from our creator whom is our Father in heaven. The definition of Love is, God. We can not obtain it elsewhere for it exists nowhere else. The world is filled with illusions of what we call love; imitations of what is only temporary and they do not fulfill or secure our needs. Let’s make efforts daily to remember that we’re all Gods children and He, in love, died for us all and asks us to love one another. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God: and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love”. (1 John 4: 7-8. NKJV) (How do you spell love? “GOD”). • Who cares what others think? or What does it matter? A lie. It’s quite obvious if you state this, you’re not only saying that you don’t care you’re also showing that to you it doesn’t matter. Ask yourself does this sound like the character of our Father in heaven? I think not for “He does care” and to those who claim to be the children of God need to realize that if you say this many will take it as though that God Himself doesn’t care either. God said to comfort those who are in need, comforting is not making cold harsh comments such as this. The Timeline on how long you should feel • You know this has been going on a long time, when are you going to get over it? The way we “don’t” comfort each other it’s a wonder why it takes so long for one “to get over it”. Looking at Job and the things that his friends said only further added to his sorrow and his affliction much of what we do today. It wasn’t until the last chapter in the book of Job and after God had corrected his three friends for misrepresenting our Lord that his friends and family came to together and comforted Job. “Then all his brothers, all his sisters, and all those who had been his acquaintances before, came to him and ate food with him in his house; and they consoled him and comforted him for all the adversity the Lord had brought upon him. Each one gave him a piece of silver and each a ring of gold.” (Job 42:11 NKJV) • Move on. they did: as with other statements this is just as thoughtless to say when one is hurting. Only if they could have a comforting word from a friend of the Lord, would one’s heart be lifted from the weight of tribulation making moving on much easier. Quotes from God that People Use: let us be careful not to misrepresent God to others as Job’s friends did but to be there for those who are in need of His comforting words as He has requested. • All you need is God: God is our first and foremost ultimate need, and we must turn to Him always, but that does not mean we don’t need the friendship and help of others when we’re hurting. “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2: 18 NKJV) This was brought about at the time when God walked with Adam daily in that beautiful garden. If God thought that Adam needed a help mate then, before sin, what makes people think today we don’t need the comfort and companionship of others now? “For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself”. (Romans 14: 7 NKJV) God expects us to do our part. • Give it over to God---Let Go and Let God: When we are weakened emotionally and physically by trials and tribulation there is a need to have the comfort and uniting in prayer with our friends. It’s beyond just telling someone to turn it over to God, it’s turning it over together in prayer; It should be said “lets turn this matter over to God together” rather than “turn it over to God” then leave them on their own thinking we’ve done our part. “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” (Mathew 18:20 NKJV) When we work together in prayer having invited our Lord in, there is power like that of no other giving strength to each weakened soul. • God doesn’t give us more than we can handle: If we compare this statement with the Biblical text “No Temptation has overtaken you except such as common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13 NKJV) Lets look at the words “allow you to be tempted” in the Bible text and then look at the statement “God doesn’t give us” now think about Job, God didn’t “give” Job his trials but “allowed” them for the purpose of showing the sons of God as well as those of us today his faithfulness to our Lord. The statement “God doesn’t give us more than we can hand” is misleading and think about what this is stating to someone hurting. “You can handle it because God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” it puts the power in your hands rather than giving God the power through our prayers and asking for strength and direction. God has a boundary line that Satan can not cross we do not know that line, but what ever trials God allows us to bear and tribulations that fall on us, God has given us a way of escape, through His word, prayer, and trusting in Him even though we do not understand the “why” of it or have knowledge of the outcome, but knowing that in the end we will see the face of Christ who is our hope, strength and salvation. Having friends who are prayer warriors and are encouraging with the word of God is what helps give us endurance, strength and courage to continue on in the Lord. We do need each other. We need to realize how important words are and unlike that of a sword which can only penetrate the flesh, words can go where no swords can go: straight to the soul. “Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking; but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. For who serves Christ in theses things is acceptable to God and approved by men”. (Romans 14:15-18 NKJV) Let us take Ellen Whites advice “As followers of Christ we should make our words such as to be a help and be of an encouragement to one another in the Christian life.” (Christ Object Lessons Page 338 Ellen G. White.) Why don’t we put to the test and set aside words of this world and begin encouraging one another and uplifting each other, kneeling together in fervent and sincere prayer with every wounded heart brought into our presence, lifting up each soul to our Father that we all will be strengthened in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. CARRIE L. COMBS
Posted on: Sun, 06 Oct 2013 12:55:59 +0000
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