MOSES WA KINA DENNO. Those are the words on everybodys lips around My village, Kambi kuku. This is after Moses provided the village with the best entertainment in a Generation; yesterday. Moses Wephukulu is our herdsboy. He is a very cheeky young man. Moses is short.....VERY short. He s also dark, or is it Black? o.k lets just say he is a cross breed between dark and black. He has very big hands and his mazgwembes make any butchery owner have ideas of a quick profit. His teeth are VERY white - even though i know him not to be a very keen fan of tooth brushes- so ill let work out how much they contrast his complexion. Anyways, Late last week, I paid Moses His monthly salary ( stop looking at me that way. I didnt delay his pay on purpose. Mine had to arrive first for his to be processed). After receiving his pay, Moses did not visit the shopping center as he has always done at the end of every month, nor did he skip his breakfast for three consecutive days at our home in favor of mama cheburas hotel. I found this quite strange to say the least. I did not bother much because after all i had already played my part as regards financial transactions. For the better part of the weekend and Monday, he kept behaving funny. I could see him walking around and discussing in very low tones albeit animatedly with his two close buddies who also happen to be herdsboys in the village. At some point i was quite scared that they were planning to form their own COTU to demand bicycles and gumboot grants. Finally, Yesterday, the plan he had been hatching came to fruition. Moses- dressed in pure whites and his face shining like rihannas diamonds- arrived for breakfast. He borrowed Colloville Yegos phone and made a quick call. Five minutes later a bodaboda arrived and Moses with his two COTUians, boarded and left for the center. Realiable sources indicate that upon arrival at MZEE MWASHIDAGA MWAKILEMBAs house( hes a witchdoctor from Uganda, who claims to have money doubling powers despite him living in abject poverty) they were commanded to remove one shoe each for they were entering holy ground. At this juncture one of the boys smelled death and took off like a Ferrari. The mganga told Moses Wachana na huyo. That is why atakuwa masikini milele. Moses interjected, Kama wewe? He was bombarded with an expensive slap and informed that from that point on, he was to speak only when spoken to. The slap - i hear- resonated quite heavily and blew the third boy away - as in he ran for dear life. At this point, Moses was trying to play all cool, Macho and Confident but he couldnt prevent his body from shaking. He however needed the money real bad and so he decided to persevere. The mganga Ushered him - butt first- into a well lit room. Moses says the room had a pungent smell and he could see cat skulls hanging on the wall. The mganga guy took his seat at the Center of the room and told Moses to do the same, which he did for fear of a hellish slap. Now, when it comes to creativity, no one beats this Mganga. The guy has placed his bulb switch right where he sits at the center of the room. So immediately Moses sat down, this witty guy stepped on the switch and the whole room went grave yard dark!! You know, the room has only one window....which this fella has covered using a BLACK BLANKET. BLACK???? sasa alitoa wapi?? Anyway, the darkness struck unbelievable fear into Moses and he let out a tiny squeal which was immediately vanquished via another expensive slap. The mganga started, Sasa Kijana tumefika kwa mababu zetu..... unaitwa nani? MOSES(M): Musa...... Witch d(W) : (slap!!) jinga una jina moja kama choo?? plel. M: Musa Wephukulu Ambatsa. W:(sprinkling water on him) Sasa umeleta shilingi ngapi mababu wakuongezee? M: Aluf tano.(hands it over) W: (in a scary voice) ahahahahahah!!!! veeeeey Gooood. (he sprinkles some powder on him and sings one or two guess worky songs) Sasa kijana wewe utakuwa tajari kuliko mdosi yako!!!! at this point he steps on the switch and they arrive from heaven. Moses cannot believe his eyes.....right in front of him lay new crisp 1000 shilling notes.....25 of them. He almost fainted. W: chukua na upotee!!! M: asante baba! as Moses rose to leave, the witty mganga stepped on the switch again and.... W: Musa!!! wazee wanaitana.... keti chini. Uko na babu wangapi? M: mmoja. mwengine alifariki 2004. W: baaas. huyo aliye fariki amesema hizo pesa sio zako.....ati urudishe nitatuma kwa babako alimie shamba. Moses placed the money back.... W: BABU ANAKUTAKA KAMA ZAWADI Kabla ya sisi kutuma pesa kwa babako. he stepped on the light switch and the first thing Moses saw was a knife held to his neck..... the poor boy ran screaming, sweat streaming down his navy blue face with one shoe on!!!! I suspect he covered the 2.23 km in sub-marathon time. As we speak, hes from the police station where he wrote his statement and the guy is behind bars. This evening I will also go to my Local guest house to clear a bill Moses left with a promise to pay immediately his very delayed salary arrived. He has since been dumped for being a liar. Apparently hed promised his girl that theyd attend prophet Owours Kesha in Eldoret town on Friday night.... a date hes since cancelled. Every time i see the name MOSES, tears stream down my face and that Rib starts hurting.
Posted on: Wed, 09 Apr 2014 15:23:47 +0000
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