MOTHERS - By Daisaku Ikeda, translated by Burton Watson From book Glass Children & other essays, Kodansha International Ltd. Tokto, New York & San - Francisco - first edition 1979, first paperback edition 1983. Page 155 - 162 A must read for all mothers , prepared by David. 30th march ,2014. My mother died in September of last year. Her face at the end was smiling and peaceful. She was eighty when she died, so one can say that she lived out her life allotment of years. I returned to my old home for the wake and the funeral, the first time I have been there for some time. From a conventional point of view, one would hardly say that I was a dutiful son. I am always busy with other things that I had little time for personal affairs. It was over sixteen years since I become president of the Soka Gakkai, and the number of visit I paid to my mother during that time could probably be counted on the fingers of my hand. My mother seemed to understand the position I am in. Last summer, when her health began to fail, I went to see how she was. As I stood by her bed,she noded and said, Im all right. dont worry about me. There are lots of people counting on you. You go along in where they are. The summer passed, and as she fall began to deepen, she died, but I can still hear those words of her echoing in my ear. My mother was an ordinary person who seemed content to live a quiet life in her own small corner of the world. And yet from the plain, unassuming the way she lived, I know I learned many important things about life. My mother here brought up a number of children. Her old age was peaceful enough, but in her younger days I know she faced many hardships. She overcame them silently and patiently through sheer effort and hard work. And I remembered that she always used to say, Children are a gift from Heaven. She wasnt the only one to say that, of course. People of her generation always used to speak of children as a gift from Heaven. it an expression that conveys a sense of respect and tenderness toward life. And it also implies a deep respect for the universe that creates and sustain human life. According to recent reports, in America these days the babies of unwed mothers, instead of put up for adoption through legally recognised agencies, are sometime sold on a kind of adoption black market. Have the time changed so much, or have human beings themselves changed? Whatever the explanation, it is shocking news. According to one survey, more than five thousand were sold in the adoption black market in the course f one year. That such a thing should occur in a materially and culturally advanced nation like the United States make it particularly ominous. For some time now, there has been talk of child abuse and the growing death of genuine motherly love, and unfortunately Japan seems to be a leader in the trend. I recall reading four or five years ago that Tokyo was ahead of New York in the number of mothers who did away with their own newborn babies. Whereas in the past, children were a gift given to one, now they are something to be made ornot made as one chooses. And the arrogance of human nature being what it is, this awareness of freedom of choice in the creation of children in time leads, it would seem, to a feeling that the children are ones own possession and therefore may be treated any way one likes. In the past, material affection was thought to be a natural part of a womans makeup. But the recent unusual happenings I have referred to already call that into question. And we cannot dismiss the problem simply by saying that these occurrences represent a failure of the normal material instinct. Frankly speaking, what they represent is a kind of deadening of the awareness of life itself. The earth and the universe which we inhabit constitue one great living entity made up of the harmony and interplay of various life forces, and these have been in existence from long ages past. Human life reposes in this great sea of life that is the universe. The men and women of today, appears to me, must learnt to see huma life in these terms and to recover a sense of reverence for it. Buddhism, with its view of eternal continuity of life, teaches that human being being keep passing through carious state of existence, and that all men and women alive in the world today were at some time in the past our own parents. Therefore, if we treat even one of theses human beings with disrespect,we can never attain Buddhahood -- that is, we can never be a complete human being. Buddhism in its quest for the reality of human life, teaches us to adopt an attitude of humility, treating others with loving kindness and learning to understand how their lives are intertwined with our own. And I am confidence that the wisdom of Buddhism, which has for so many centuries been an underlying part of history of Asia, holds an enormous significance for the men and women of our time, suffering as they do for from spiritual desolation. For through it they will come to realise that, when they fail to respect the individual nature of their children or to treat them with tenderness, they are in fact doing violence in the sanctity of their own life. People often say, The parent who raised you means more than the parent who bore you. There is a great deal of meaning in these words. Just beating a child does not make one a mother. Motherhood, or parenthood, I would like to think, means raising a child with genuine affection and, on the part of both parent and child, cherishing the precious gift of life that has given them. The poet Hakishu Kitahara has written that a mothers milk is softer than the flesh of the loquat, sweeter than citron. When he was a child, Kitahara is said to have been so delicate that he would run a fever on the slightest exposure to the open air. As a young man he defied his fathers wishes and left home to go to Tokyo. At that time, his mother prepared clothing and bending for him and secretly helped him to run away from home. The fact that in his later years he became a distinguished poet is said to have been due to her influence. I too had very delicate health when I was a child, and once, whin I was in my teens, I was on the point of entering a sanatorium for tubercular patients. The thing about me is that my mother worried most over was my health. After I became a disciple of President Josei Toda and he was encountering difficulty, I left home and went to live in a lodging house. I had only one small room, facing north, but my mother would unobtrusively help me out by sending someone to do my laundry and fix meals for me. For that reason, I can understand how Kitahara felt about his mother. For a time I edited a young peoples magazine in President Rodas publishing house. Also, under the pen name Shin ichro Yamamoto, I had occasion to write a biography of a famous Swiss educator J. H Petalozzi . Petalozzi said that the home is like a school and the mother is the most important teacher in it. He also the child learns from the mother. Before anyone is aware of it, the figure of the mother reflected the figure of the child. That is why I hope the mothers of today will do all they can at home to instill in their children a habit of thoroughgoing respect for others. But if the mother is constantly saying bad things about others, how can she expect to raise a child who is generous and broad- minded.? How can a mother who is always looking down on other peoples shortcomings hope to raise a child who respects the good points of others.? The daily actions and attitudes of the mother overshadow the future of the child. Therefore a mother who is cheerful and forward- looking in her attitude toward life, even though she be quite an ordinary person, imparts to her child a spiritual treasure worth more than anything else she can give. Education begins on the mothers knee, and all the words that a child hears in its early years go to form its character- such was the opinion of the famous British scientist Sir John Barrow. Its seems to me a very apt observation. After one has grown up, how often one finds oneself unexpectedly recalling the happy days of childhood spent with ones mother. The general framework of ones personality ,habits, and wisdom are formed in the early years thrugh contact with the mother, and remain with one later ef in the form of a store memories. I too have a number of my mothers words stored up in the back of my mind, and at times they light up with a sparkle like diamonds. Even now . I believe, the things my mother said and did continue to exercise an unconscious influence over me. The image of her that dwells in my mind helps to ease the fatigue of my work and to give me the determination I need to face the coming day. The things I remember her saying, when it comes down to it, were quite commonplace. Never be a burden to others. Never tell a lie. Im sure all mothers must say the same thing. And I recall too, when I was entering boyhood, how she said. If you make up your mind to do something, then see it through to the end in a responsible manner. She doesnt seem to have the kind of mother who has great dreams for my future or thought a lot about what schools I should attend. She was an ordinary mother who said very ordinary things. And yet her words stick in my mind because , as in the case of most people, I suppose,I remembered the warmth and affection with which she said them. Speaking of the influences, seen and unseen, that mothers exert on their children, I am reminded of the pleasant conversations I had with the late Count R.E. Coundenhove - Kalergi, the leading proponent of European unity. We met several times when he was in Japan. As most people are aware, I believe, his mother was a Japanese woman of the Meji period. In the course of our discussion I asked him about the impression of Japanese women. As though calling up the memories from the distant past, he answered in a tone of deep seriousness. The Japanese woman I ever really know was my mother, he said, My father died when she was quite young. She had seven children, including myself, and she raised them all by herself. Throughout her life she loved Japanese music, and she was talented in painting. She was a woman of great artistic sensibility. In educating her children, she did her best to carry on in the same spirit as my father. We were brought up not as Japanese but as Europeans. The he added with conviction, If it had not been for my mother, Im sure I would never have initiated the movement for the European unity. as a matter of fact, she has been acclaimed as one of the founding spirits behind the European Economic Community, I doubt that there are many Japanese women who have been so highly honoured. She was widowed after fourteen years of married life, and in spite of numerous difficulties, succeeded in raising her seven children in admirable fashion. Though she herself was an old fashioned Meiji type woman, she made a determination effort to acquaint herself with the European culture and to become a European herself so that she could bring up her children as full- pledged Europeans. She appears to have been a woman of indomitable spirit, who took pride in her Japanese ancestry and was determined never to do anything that would disgrace it. It is not difficult to imagine how a mother of such character could create a rich spiritual climate for her children. With such a background, we can understand how her son in time could conceive the ideal Pan- European transcending national and cultural boundaries. She believe that any woman who could be laughed at by her own children because of her ignorance was not qualified to be a mother. For that reason, she studied along with her children, taking care to keep up a month ahead of them in their lessons so that she could give them proper guidance. Her children, we are told, respected her deeply for the unusual effort this cost her. And in course of assisting her children in their education, she at the same time made herself a more mature and broad- minded woman. Because she was this kind of mother, she could shape and give unlimited breath to the spiritual vision of her son, Count Coudenhove- Kalergi. All often today we hears of mothers who abandon their newborn babies in a com locker, or who for little or no reason punish their children so severely that they bring about the death of the child. I cannot help thinking that the time has come for mothers to reconsifpder the true meaning of motherhood and to recognise the great power it possesses. It was the thought in mind that several year ago I wrote a poem entitled Mothers ( Ha Ha in Japanese). A friend of mine set it to music, and it has been sung on various occasions at functions sponsored by the Womens Division. Though I am sure it is the melody rather than the words that accounts for its popularity, I am Told that the Women respond in particular to the lines, If you do not exist in this world, there would be no great earth to return to, and your children would be wanderers forever. I am sure I am not alone in hoping that mothers of our time will conduct themselves with pride and confidence, as expressed in the song. Basically, it makes little sense to talk to good mothers or bad mothers. All mothers have loving arms and brave hearts, have they not? What counts is how broad the mothers outlook is. If we had only more mothers who could see other peoples children through the same loving eyes that they see their own children, how peaceful the world would become! In this connection, the legend associated with Kishimojin, the Indian goddess of childbirth, has much to teach us. Kishimojin was rigid ally cruel and barbarous in nature. She is said to have five hundred children, but to have made a practice of seizing and eating the children of others. Shakyamuni Buddha, appalled by such conduct, conceived a plan to lead her to enlightenment. He stole her younger child Binkara and concealed him from her. Kishimojin, half mad and worry, searched everywhere for the child, and finally inquired if the Buddha knew anything about him. Kishimojin, he said, you have five hundred children, yet when you lose evn one of them, you wail and lament, do you not? If that is the kind of motherly love you possess, then how can you go on snatching others peoples children away from the one after another? If a mother who has only two or three children is deprived of one of them, her grief must be greater than yours! at these words of the Buddha, we are told, Kishimojin repented and reformed her ways. Thus it is that Buddhism teaches the proper way to live. If the mother who thinks only of her own child can learn to extend the same love to other human beings as well, she will find herself liberated from her blind love and attachment. These days we occasionally encounter mothers who look after their children with the kind of blind affection that marked Kishimojin before her enlightenment, but such narrow- minded love is in no sense a blessing to the child. If there is one kind of mother that I do not Like, it is the kind who always boasting about her own children. The legend of Kisimojin is designed to show us the folly do such narrow- mindedness. A mothers love, they say, is deeper than the sea, but I hope sincerely that is will not remain the kind of blind affection I have spoken of. Only when such affection becomes the basic of broader compassion, extended to all persons without distinction, can it be called true maternal love. When a mother has that kind of broad compassion and tenderness, then she will be able to guide her children as a arent should and bring them up to be fine individuals, and in the process, she herself will grow in stature and maturity. She will have found the true path of life. A well know founder of a womens college has stated that the aims of womens education should be train women first as human beings, second as women, and third as mothers. Here I would like to stress the fact that the primary objective is the education of women as human beings. Before one considers how to train women or mothers, one must consider how to turn out fine individuals, for that is the lifetime goal of education. Of course, ones life as a woman and a mother is not completely divorced from ones life as an individual. The manner is which one lives as an individual and a human being is, on the contrary, the foundation that underlies the other phases and modes of life. If that foundation is firmly established, a woman who strives in her own way to do the best she can do for her husband, for her children, and for those around her, deserved the highest praise. To live such alive, ordinary though though it may be, is a noble thing. And for a mother, there is no greater happiness than to contribute to the welfare of society by devoting her life to raising her children and preparing them for a role in the world. My mother is longer alive, but that is how she spent her life, labouring over the years to bring up healthy children and send them out into the world. And in my heart, I know that my mothers life, commonplace though it was, was one of victory. END
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 17:25:57 +0000
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