Mama is so heavy in my mind today. I almost lost it at the grocery store as I picked up my black-eyed peas, hog jowl, and corn meal, etc. I wrote this poem about two weeks after Mama left me. I miss her so much and still have such a hard time remembering she is gone. I almost called her yesterday to ask her how she cooked something, and I fell apart. Im not sure this all ever get easier! Mama Its the silent spaces that get to me. The moments with no one, no sound. That thoughts of you creep in, and I am broken down. These are the times in the past that Id always pick up the phone. The sweetest sound would come to me, Hey, bay-by what you doing? That always felt like home. It just doesnt make sense for the logic minded to think such haphazard thoughts, but Mama, I thought youd always be with me. I thought youd never be lost. Is it that I cant wrap my head around the fact you are no longer here, or the idea my heart may never again be whole after losing someone so dear? Mama, I still needed you. Couldnt you see that I am not complete? There are so many things I do not know, and I still need you to teach me. I know that you are healed now and happy to be with those lost, but did you know that letting go came at such a cost? Mama, Im not angry. I know your time had come. I just dont know how to go on without you. I feel so lost; I feel so numb. But I will try to picture you with Momo and Grandma, hand in hand in adoration kneeling at our masters feet, or playing a few hands of Canasta, or strolling the golden streets. One day I know I will join you. So Mama, please save me a seat. Until then, I will do my best to go on- without you- the best part of me.
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 20:26:41 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015