Many years ago I went through a break-up with a woman that was devastating to me [not one of my current Facebook friends.] And I hired my longtime mentor and healer to help me sort through the emotional wreckage of my devastated heart, so I could heal and grow from the experience. One of the problems I was having in letting go of the relationship had to do with the conflicted view I held of my ex. On the one hand I had experienced such a pure and beautiful presence in her; she had this inner beauty, an inner goodness, almost an angelic quality about her. And this part of her had felt so authentic to me, and had touched my heart very deeply. It was what I had fallen in love with. But at the same time my ex had done all of these awful things. I had so many memories of her lying to me, and finding out that she had been cheating on me multiple times, and I would remember her being unwilling to acknowledge or take responsibility for these actions, and instead she would become even more deceptive and arrogant with me, and when we argued about her lying and cheating she would lie to our friends and family about why we were having problems; she would omit what she had done and make it appear that I was just this crazy upset guy, and so on. So as I was processing and letting go of this relationship I was very confused by these two stories about her. I didnt know which one of these versions of my ex was real. Was she the beautiful angel of light that I had experienced so many times? Or was she this lying, deceptive, hurtful devil woman I had experienced so many times? I couldnt figure it out. Instead I kept flip-flopping back and forth in my mind. One minute she was the angel, but then I would remember something awful that shed done and think, Yeah, but what about that time?? and she would become the devil. And then I would remember some beautiful moment with her and think, Yeah, but what about this time?? and she would become the angel again. This flip-flopping back and forth was making it very difficult for me to make sense of and put to rest the relationship that had just ended, so I brought it up with my mentor. His response was something that Ive never forgotten, and has guided me over and over in so many situations in my life ever since. When I asked my mentor which version of my ex was the true one, his reply was simply, Both. He went on to explain to me that I had seen aspects of my exs higher nature, and that was the highest truth about her, but Id also seen aspects of her lower nature, and that was also true about her at this time in her life... So she was BOTH. I dont know why this was such a novel concept because 15 years later it just seems transparently obvious to me. But at the time this was kind of a mini revelation. I hadnt realized that someone cold be BOTH. My mentor went on to explain that part of maturing is developing the ability to see both in people and situations. He said when we are very young we see things in stark black and white terms. We see other people as either all good or all bad. We havent developed the capacity to see the complexity and levels of nuance that exist in the real world. But as we mature we can begin to see both the good and the bad in people, philosophies and situations, etc. As we mature the world stops being black and white. Instead we start to see the many shades and colors that make up the real world... I wanted to share this story with you because I see this black and white thinking happening all the time in the world around me. I see people judging things in stark terms of all-good and all-bad, and I see the media and our government portraying events this way, and this makes us easy to control and manipulate. Basically I see that seeing things in narrow, black and white terms creates a lot of suffering and puts us at a huge disadvantage. For example. Many people see terrorists in the Middle East as all-bad, and the American military fighting them as all-good. They dont see the true complexity of the situation, ie, that these terrorists are people whos lands have been invaded by foreign powers, whos governments have been corrupted by foreign influences, whos lives have been shattered by poverty and wars and brutality, whos hearts have been broken by the loss of the ones they love the most, who feel powerless and angry and desperate, and so on. When we see terrorists as pure evil then we miss all of this subtext. And missing this subtext makes problems for us, because all of that subtext is why these people have adopted a level of brutality that is currently shocking the rest of the world. Seeing these people as pure evil is a false view. Its a two-dimensional oversimplifiction [Im going to leave that Freudian misspelling because it is very apt!] This oversimplifiction allows us to send our troops over there to fight and be maimed or killed, it enables us to spend trillions fighting a distant people rather than spending that money repairing our infrastucture, rebuilding our economy, helping our own citizens. This oversiimplifiction prevents us from finding sustainable solutions for the chaos in the middle east. We stop seeing the truth about these human beings: that deep down they want the same things that all human beings want; peace, justice and a good life --AND-- they have been so deeply wounded and angered and disturbed that they are doing absolutely horrific things to innocent people. We stop seeing that they are BOTH. Another place I see this kind of simple, black and white thinking happening is in the vaccine debate. I have seen a group of people who think that all of the anti-vaccine crowd are all dangerous, superstitious kooks. And I have seen members of the anti-vaccine crowd who think that all allopathic medicines are poisons being peddled by a completely evil and corrupt pharmaceutical industry. The thing that both sides have in common is they are not recognizing the nuances of the situation, which is that the overwhelming evidence shows that some vaccines do seem to create immunity, AND that that the overwhelming evidence shows that we really should be wary and critical of the claims of Big Pharma. It is BOTH. This BOTH can be applied to people, religions, philosophies, situations -pretty much everything. So the next time you find yourself adopting a highly polarized view of someone or something, maybe you will remember what Ive written here and see if you can start to detect the greater shades and colors of the situation. You might be surprised to find, as I do, that the world is a much more gentle and coherent place when viewed in all of its magnificent complexity.
Posted on: Tue, 16 Sep 2014 19:53:21 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015