Me: I told Abby that you asked me to stay on top of you about - TopicsExpress



          

Me: I told Abby that you asked me to stay on top of you about studies and take electronics away and that I declined. She was a little shocked. I told her that if you didnt adequately prepare for a lesson, you paid for the lesson. Does that work for you? YS: Yes. Me: Why? YS: It tells me what my time is worth in this instance. If I dont prepare, its going to be expensive. A couple of hours not preparing is going to cost me twice as much in the shop on Saturday. Me: Do you know how much I hate that you dont do your work and have to spend your money on a lesson? YS: Not as much as I do. I hate it when I dont prepare more than you hate it when I dont prepare. Me: Are you learning from this? Is it changing your behavior? YS: Yes. Yes, it is. Me: Would my being in charge of the outcome by nagging or being disappointed or taking your property for a period of time do the same thing? YS: No. That doesnt do anything. This works. I would really like to protect him from this consequence, but it works for him. He wouldnt have it the other way because he sees that the other way infantilizes him. This way puts the whole burden on his shoulders. This, to him, is the consequence that respects his dignity and mine and our relationship. NB: These are classes and lessons he has asked for. If it were not his choice, if he were taking them to humor me, it would be different.
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 15:09:59 +0000

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