Minutes of a Crisis Meeting State Executive Building In Attendance: Premier Newman Police Minister Jack Dempsey Police Commissioner Ian Stewart The Qld Government’s IT guy. Me. For all the note taking. The meeting was delayed for thirty-five minutes while the police dog squad sniffed the room, the big couch, the Police Minister’s crotch and each other’s butts looking for bikie bombs. A further delay was occasioned when it was discovered someone had eaten all the biscuits for morning tea. Minister Dempsey, brushing crumbs from his thoroughly sniffed lap, blamed the dog squad, or their handlers. Premier Newman complained that this never happened at council, even when Alderman Hinchcliffe was an alderman and an artist and well known at Town Hall as a dangerous man to leave around a biscuit barrel if he hadn’t eaten, which as an artist, was most days. Commissioner Stewart suggested arresting a lot of bikies would ease the pressure on law abiding biscuit lovers. At 10.49am the meeting proper commenced, with a report from the Commissioner about serious threats to the Premier’s wellbeing from “a man on the internet”. Premier Newman turned quite a nasty shade of custard but a cup of tea and a few biscuits, specially brought in from the emergency stores, revived him. “The gutless wonder,” said the Police Minister, according to his office. (Archive note: transcript reads “guppreff mumder” and the official recording is inaudible with loud crunchy biscuit noises.) “Is this usual, on the internets?” the Premier asked. “Strange men making threats?” “It is unprecedented, Mister Premier,” said the Police Commissioner. “In that, as best our best technicians can tell us there has never been a precedent of this happening before.” The IT guy confirmed this from the side table where he was busy stuffing sandwiches into his anorak. “Yeah, sure, bad man on the internet.” The Premier asked who the strange man in the anorak was. He was stealing all the sandwiches but he didnt look like an artist or an alderman. The Police Minister confirmed that he was the government’s ‘IT guy’ and was very handy “with the internets”, which was why they kept him on after all of the other IT guys were let go. The Premier asked if the IT guy could do some sort of email thingy to figure out who this strange man making threats in the internets was. “It the Anonymous Trojan Walker,” the IT guy said. “Or maybe Neo. Neo is good too.” But the Police Commissioner interjected to say that the finest minds on the Force had turned their attention to the matter and confirmed that they would need a much larger overtime bill, flack jackets like you saw on Hawaii Five O, the new one, not the old one, and some more laws about arresting people because. The Premier and Police Minister agreed this seemed wise. The IT guy ate all the sandwiches he couldn’t stuff in his pockets and said if they didn’t need him any more he’d go do the internet thing they asked about. He was eaten by the dog squad which set upon him just outside the office door. “Bikies,” muttered the Police Commissioner, darkly. “They’ll pay for this.” The Premier and Police Minister agreed.
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 21:54:48 +0000
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