Mom, I miss you. Its been a month since youve been gone, and I didnt think it was going to feel like this. I pick up my phone to call you just so I can hear your voice mail, but I know the number has been disconnected. I get off work and sit in my truck, sometimes for hours, just waiting for it to get easier. But Ive come too see that its not about getting easier. Its about feeling. Feeling more. Feeling deeper. It comes in waves, and sometimes they crash and they wash your sand castle out to sea. Taking with it all your motivation and imagination that you poured into it. All the love you had. So why would you even try? Building something so fleeting that it can be taken away in an instant. Leaving behind nothing but a clean slate. See, sand castles cannot be made without the water from the ocean. They would fall apart. Nothing to hold them together. No love. No reason to stand up in spite of the looming fear that this wont be forever. Without that, there wouldnt be any sandcastles. Just lots if sand. Unaware of the power that comes from connection. Lost in complacent solitude. Ignorant to the potential greatness that comes from with allowing yourself to be part of a whole. Opening up to to possibility that even tho someday this may not be here, I wouldnt want it any other way. Mom you showed me that love is the only power that can heal the loss of love. Its paradoxically elegant. Its the choice to allow yourself to be hardened and jaded by each loss. To toughen up and start dealing with things by simply not allowing your heart to be touched. Like stone. Or you can choose to become softer, softer to the point where you can feel the most gentle of whispers as it comes into the room. See colors in more ways then you ever dreamed, only because you allowed yourself too. Soft almost to the point of fluidity. Not resisting the pull to feel. Allowing it to flow Like water. Just be. Be what you feel. Feel sad. Feel happy. Feel fear. Feel loved. After we let our hearts fill up, let them overflow. Let your joy run over so that everyone can see it, let your fear show through so others can help hold it for you. Let your frustration be known, so others can learn from it. And let your love free so it might sweep others up in its volume. If we all would allow the emotional connections trying to establish themselves in this world, just a little bit of help. And choose not to resist, who knows what kind of unity could take place. Open your selves up. Yes it can hurt sometimes, but mostly it wont. You will be amazed at the freedom we gain by not resisting our urge to feel. Feel more.
Posted on: Sat, 27 Dec 2014 15:50:07 +0000
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