Mom stayed with Joshua while Jill and I took the other kids to the Opry Land Hotel to view their lights. It was the first time I had been there and it was massive. The trees and gardens inside, the Christmas trees that were throughout, and the lights outside were all beautiful. We cant afford it, but there was an ice area that the kids would have had a blast. We were outside looking at the lights and watching the horse drawn carriages go by when I received a text from Mom. Joshuas gtube button had come out. We found out later that the balloon used to anchor the tube had leaked. Mom did a great job and was patient during a time that could have been very stressful. Jill and I quickly loaded the kids and tried to pay with a credit card as we left the parking lot. The machine wasnt reading, and another vehicle had the attendant busy. The man was yelling at the attendant and just extremely upset her. He finally paid and left. She came over to help us said that our reader didnt always work so we moved into the lane closest to her booth. Keep in mind that we were trying to get back to Joshua quickly as we had been told that the gtube had to be reinserted within 30 minutes or it would close back up. I asked Logan and Averi to pray for Joshua. I was praying to myself and I know Jill was praying also. This is how God answered our prayers. He kept me calm. I usually would have been very excited. I apologized to the attendant for the other driver. I told her that she handled it very well. She started smiling. And I wished her a Merry Christmas before driving away. I had actually noticed a person next to me instead of concentrated on the emergency situation. As we were going to the first red light and the GPS started working, I needed to go right. I was started to change lanes when a car sped up and actually honked at me. But that did not aggravate me even though I know the guy was flying way too fast. Later we were in the right lane of a 6 lane road during rush hour. I easily moved across each lane as we needed to go left. The traffic closed back up after we were safely in the far left lane. And then traffic came almost to a complete stopped and crawled for what seemed like a long time. I wanted to get home quickly, I was trying, but instead of working and fighting my way through I prayed. I said God, I know that this did not surprise you and that you have the power of life in your hands. I trust you to get us home in time. My attitude and thoughts during all of this is a complete miracle. I cant explain the chaos well enough, nor how my thoughts turned when I started to get anxious, but I know it was all due to the prayers my family had prayed. God is good. Jill jumped into action as soon as we arrived at the house. She put the button back in and Joshua was extremely calm the entire time. I held him while Jill prepared dinner and Joshua remained extremely calm, though his shirt was soaked. The button had come out again. I yelled for Jill and she quickly came and installed a new button. I was holding Joshuas arms and thought he would get upset and move a lot, but Joshua has been very calm. Jill is amazing in tough and quick situations. God worked miracles for us and kept each if us calm throughout this episode. I can tell you in true sincerity that I have never felt that calm. I usually push hard to get things done my way, and that can cause a lot of friction around me. But tonight I had no control, but knew that everything would be okay. Now that I have experienced that confidence, I want (and need) it in the rest if my life at all times. Why do I fight and resist God so much, trying to get my way, when I know He loves me and has the best in store for me. The scripture has been in my mind for several days now about kicking against the goads in Acts 26:14. The NIV reads as God saying to Saul it is useless for you to fight against my will. So Joshua again taught me and rebuked me. I need to stop fighting. I need to quit trying to control. Dont get me wrong, I still have responsibilities as a husband and father, but I need wisdom to handle situations better. Even if the turmoil is held within me and not seen by others, I still need to stop it. Wisdom, I need you. I know that you only come from God, and so I pray for more wisdom in my life, in my mind, in my heart, in my words, in my voice, in my soul, and in my actions. And God tells me that if anyone lacks wisdom they should ask if God, and He will generously give wisdom to everyone as He is no respecter of persons. None of this is easy to admit, let alone post before thousands, so please dont crucify me too much. I am still trying and working on improving. I wish I could be changed all in one night, but it takes time and effort to change thinking patterns and reactions. In spite of my imperfections, God has promised to never leave me nor forsake me. Every day I am reminded and shown that God is compassionate and He is faithful to keep His Word to us. And Joshua,... he is sleeping soundly in his little swing and is not in danger or at risk. God has protected him. God will continue to protect him. The gtube was a necessity, but it would be a whole lot better if it was gone. The constant care, supplies, and concern is tiring and requires a lot of attention. Id love to get Joshua on a bottle or even spoon fed. He seems interested in both, but we can only get a little in him each time. Im praying that God helps Joshua to feed regularly and hopefully soon. Hes started to stir so I will go. Thank you for your continued support and many prayers. You have been very good and kind to us. Love ya! -Matt
Posted on: Thu, 18 Dec 2014 06:01:46 +0000
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