Mommy here! (With help of course lol) Its been quite a ride these past 4 weeks. When this first happened 4 weeks ago I never dreamed it would come to losing my eye. The past few days have been very hard. I wont lie and say I am handling it well. Ive thrown myself a pity party, laid and cried, and Ive sunk myself to the bottom. Thats where everything I have learned from Mac comes in. The most important thing he taught me with his fight against cancer is that life can either tear you apart and break you or you can rise above it. I choose to rise above this just like he did. One of the things I have struggled with the most has been realizing that I am nowhere near as strong as my son is. Its a hard blow but one fact I am proud of! I choose to stop being sad and down over this and be thankful. I can still see with my one eye so I will be able to see my beautiful children still. The most important thing I am thankful for though is that its ME this time and not one of my babies! I would have taken Macs struggle at any time had God allowed me and I still would. I now see why God gave it to my son though. Hes far stronger and braver than I could ever hope to be. Many have asked how it advanced so quickly and came to losing my eye. Those cluster headaches were never cluster headaches. They began in November of 2012 and I have had more than 500 of them since then. I kept a log for the Neurologist. Every one of those were Glaucoma attacks, slowing creating scarring, scar tissue, and leading me to this path. Its actually not sudden at all. Its been building for two years now and the damage is beyond repair. Im not angry at the doctors because my symptoms mirror a cluster headache exactly, only no treatments help that would help those headaches. My right eye is now at risk and the longer my left eye stays in, the riskier it becomes. I choose to go with the path that they know will work because I want to save my vision in my right eye. The thought of never seeing my children again is not an option for me. hose sweet faces push me forward every day. Those smiles make the pain seem less, their laughter is contagious, and the sight of them is something I will gladly give my eye over. I know I wont feel like me for some time, if ever again, but I know that my babies will always find me the most beautiful woman in the world. And so will my husband, who has been so amazing to me. I dont know what I would do without them. We also cannot thank my Sister-in-law, Vickie, who is like my own sister. She always drops whatever she is doing when we need her and never complains or asks for anything in return. Also our Aunt Tootsie, who is always there when we need her and always knows how to make things seem less bleak. We know when we have to be away that those two amazing women are taking amazing care of our children and we never have to worry. I also want to thank you all for the kind words, the prayers, the donations, and the messages. Most of you have been on this journey with us from the start and it has been a long road, full of ups and downs and twists and turns. Its our place to turn to for prayers, to vent, and to share our lives. We love each and every one of you. As of right now my diagnosis, from Dr. Kammer at Vanderbilt, is Narrow Angle Glaucoma. My right eyes valve is almost 75% closed and my left is completely and has been for a while. The other two options were a toxic solution sprayed around my eye that would either kill the nerves or make the pain worse. The chances of it working completely were only 30-40%. The other was the laser treatment they do at Vandy by Dr. Kammer. He said there was only a 30-40% chance of it working as well due to the damage. While those may seem like good odds to some, when a highly respected doctor who has treated thousands with my type of Glaucoma says that he does not believe either will do any good, I respect that honesty. I knew from the moment I had the second attack that I would more than likely lose my eye. I refuse to lose my right though and will do whatever it takes to save it, even removing one eye. Once it is removed Dr. Robinson in Chattanooga will perform a laser surgery on my right to create a new valve. It will be checked weekly for 6 months and then we will go from there. Ill deal with it forever but I am ready to be out of pain and to be able to see again. I cant watch television, be on the computer, or see numbers on a cellphone right now. They all cause instant pain and pressure increases. Please continue to pray for Mac, Mike, Andrew, and Jade. Ask that God helps comfort them during this time because they are scared as well. Please pray for my husband as he is holding us all together right now and it is killing him to not be able to work and take care of us right now. Thankfully his work is being amazing about it. Please, pray for guidance for my surgeon Thursday and for guidance for all of the doctors and nurses that are and will continue to treat both eyes. Please, pray for me as well. Im scared, shaken, nervous, and in a great deal of pain right now. Its hard on me to be unable to do all I used to do. I am used to being the one taking care of the kids and cleaning and cooking. Its all part of Gods plan though. I dont understand it, but He does. https://fundrazr/campaigns/3o4W1/ab/6zZD0
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 19:36:43 +0000
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