Most parents assume that not punishing means permissive parenting. But resisting the urge to punish doesnt mean we dont set limits! In fact, neither permissive parenting nor authoritarian parenting work to raise self-disciplined kids. Kids raised permissively may not have the opportunity to develop self discipline, which is about giving up something we want for something we want more. Kids raised with authoritarian parenting, however, dont develop self-discipline either, because they arent choosing--theyre being forced. Often, they stop cooperating, rebel, and become very good liars. So yes, in my view LIMITS are an essential part of raising great kids. But not just any limits. EMPATHIC LIMITS Which means we: 1. Set limits in a way that empathizes with our childs feelings and helps him to process them. 2. Stay connected while we set limits. 3. Resist the urge to make our child suffer or feel bad while we set limits. Parents often ask me for a script so they can see this in action. Heres a situation posed to me by a parent.
Posted on: Tue, 29 Jul 2014 17:40:44 +0000
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