Motivation Game: Most people motivate themselves to do things simply by knowing those things need to get done. But not for me. Im always surprised when I lose this game. Fortunately, it turns out that being scared of yourself is a somewhat effective motivational technique. Its so somewhat effective that I now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to do something important whenever Im feeling down. I used to use this technique when I was deep in depression back in Germany. Little things would not matter (hell, bigs things didnt matter), people did not matter, life simply did not matter. But then every so often, instinct would kick in, realizing that I was heading towards self-destruction. I wouldnt understand but my body would involuntarily react, and all the struggling and flailing would propel me away from disaster in time, leading me to accomplish what I needed to make progress. Procrastination was its own solution - a tool I could use to push myself so close to disaster that I become terrified and flee toward success. Coming here, it took seeing that people did want to treat me properly, they did want to have me around and they did want me to realize that they were my partners, not rivals. That was my motivation. I dont want to lose that. I almost want to say its not fair. I got the hang of being a soldier, again. I was learning my job all over, again. I proved that I wasnt completely useless. And to have it taken away so soon? And all because we werent aware of what couldve prevented it in time? *sigh* I know moping wont help, and theres not much my chain can do, but Im allowed a little mourning. My motivation now is just making it to my promotion. I worked hard for it. I want to show them that its not the rank that makes the soldier, the soldier makes the rank. Not through book-memorizing or quoting highers or even how fast the progress in ranks was. I had redeemed myself by being the best me AS the rank I was. So well that my highers BEGGED to see me at the next level. Im nervous. After my promotion, whats going to keep me motivated to my ETS? Staying in was THAT important to me. Redeeming my name and my honor was THAT important. Making my papa, my family and my team proud, again, was THAT important. Ill come back active. Its just... nevermind. I just gotta do what Ive always done... Keep moving...
Posted on: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 21:10:46 +0000
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