Mum’s death. Stages of grief. 1. Shock/Isolation/Denial I skipped this stage. Mum and I have never been particularly close, which seems to be a characteristic of our family. I have been expecting Mum’s death for quite a while (at least for the past ten years) so her final demise was not a shock. She was an amazing woman who’s will to live seemed to be indefatigable. I had expected her to throw in the towel after Hal died. After all, they had been partners for more than 64 years and it is quite often the case that lifelong partners become dependent on each other’s survival so much so that, when one partner dies, the other, quite often, follows fairly quickly. As it was, she seemed to gain a new enthusiasm for life after Hal’s death in 1994. 2. Anger and blame. I don’t think it is reasonable to be angry or to blame Life since Death is the inevitable result of living. In fact, if I was to be angry at anything, it would be that Life became painful and desolate for her in her final weeks and that seemed cruel. 3. Reasoning and bargaining. This is covered by my experiencing the previous stages. To deny reality is to opt out of the experience of living. There is a finality to everything and the refusal to accept that is to live in fear, much like most “religious” people do. 4. Grieving / mourning. If sadness is the emotion at this stage, again I am only sad that she was in pain and refused to give in. I am grateful to death for freeing her from suffering any longer. 5. Acceptance. As an atheist, I accept wholeheartedly that people die and that there is no such thing as a “spirit”. The power switch is turned off and we cease to be in any physical or spiritual sense. Our corporeal form decomposes and returns to its elemental components. We only live on in the memories of those who know us for as long as they remember.
Posted on: Sun, 20 Oct 2013 01:08:35 +0000
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