Muscle Testing For decades I had fearfully denied my psychic abilities and tried to ignore or block them out. Now I saw myself as turning to face them head-on. I had brave moments where I shared a lot and then timid moments where I ‘freaked out’ and wanted to run away. I had both of those every day. At the end of two weeks it first occurred to me that I was enjoying myself: “Today (I experienced) a big ‘hit’ in an unexpected place, and… in some ways it’s…fun~~? I never thought I’d see it that way, but there it is!” The very next day I reverted to fear: “This morning I became paranoid for a couple of hours. I worried that you really are a psychic/empath and I really am ‘crazy’, and you’re ‘letting me live with my delusions’ as I think you described it…and trying to keep me from going insane and being locked up – that you’re helping me by pretending this is ‘real’ for me, but it isn’t.” I was very skittish and needed constant reassurance for a while, and my friend offered it. She replied, “Ha! Well, I guess we can both live in them (delusions) together! …and I honestly dont think you are crazy.” I’d always known that I did what I called ‘squinting’ at all of what I called ‘that stuff’. Until that time I wouldn’t even name it! I knew that I ignored a lot, and that what I couldn’t ignore I either repressed, tried to reject, or acknowledged with grumpiness and a constant buzz of fear. I never realized though just how much effort I had been putting into this ‘work’ of denial. I’d gotten used to and it seemed normal to me. It was like a muscle that I’d kept tensed all of my life in an attempt to immobilize it entirely. Suddenly I realized that I could relax it! I could flex and extend it! I could move and use it for useful things! [BTW during that time I did learn the techniques of applied kinesiology or ‘muscle testing’ and pendulum use briefly, until I learned to tune into my entire body as my compass. I found it really fun and helpful and there are lots of good websites showing all different ways to apply it!] As I began that process of letting go of the tension, it became apparent to me how very much effort I had been expending, and I simply could not believe it. I didn’t just decide to stop closing off my abilities. I decided to open them up and really explore them. The difference between blocking and allowing was staggering. I felt flooded. I actually was flooded. Thinking back now, I know that my higher self and spirit guides used the opportunity to send as much at me as I could possibly handle then. They’ve kept me on that fine line between ‘as much as she can take’ and ‘too much’ ever since then, and I only realized that recently, but I don’t mind. I’ve learned a lot since then about my destiny and what I must accomplish, and it’s perfect. I think back and joke to myself or with my spirit guides now that they were excitedly tossing everything at me that they could. “Throw another snake at her! Tell the displaced souls in her house to have a party and make a big racket! Now chill her to the bone! Send in the mice! Get the tech team to hack another message on her computer! Put her into an ecstatic state! Time for the flying dreams! Show her another person’s signature (aura, symbols, past life memories together). Give her a glimpse of a ship from the corner of her eye! Weve just about overloaded her...OK, enough for today…” If I didn’t have the support that I did then these experiences would have overwhelmed me and sent me running for shelter again. Instead it was like a flood that lifted me up, so that I was floating at a higher elevation and seeing all new scenery from the vantage of a safe vessel. Sometimes it was a solid ship and sometime a worrisome raft, but as long as I clung on I continued gaining confidence that I was OK. As I woke up and noticed these things, and began to ‘play’ with them intentionally, I was amazed at what I really could do. I realized that I’d been doing it all along. One month earlier I would have honestly said that I hated déjà vu and synchronicity and all of those prickly things that I’d known were following me around. Now, with the proper encouragement, I came to enjoy them. A tremendous burden was lifted from me that month. Instead of lowering my head and feeling like dark clouds were following me around because I was ‘off balance’ I now came to suspect that I was entirely sane and fortunate, but just living in a very messed up and unbalanced world. The word ‘crazy’ took on a whole new meaning in my vocabulary. Instead of referring to mental instability, it now referred to incredible and unbelievable things. It came to mean ‘cool’ and ‘awesome’ and to indicate how lucky I felt for my life journey. The term had always come with dread and shame and now I wanted to express its opposite. I even looked up the words ‘crazy’ and ‘insane’ in the thesaurus to see what the antonyms were. They didn’t express the reversal of my beliefs, not even close! I know that the opposite of ‘crazy’ isn’t really calm, rational, sane, balanced, reasonable, sensible, prudent, wise, normal, logical, or levelheaded…at all. There just aren’t words for the ‘right’ side of crazy. Soon my friend convinced me to erase the word ‘crazy’ from my vocabulary entirely though, and she was right. It has too many associations. It was time for a whole new vocabulary!... (Hallow ~ January 27, 2014 reflecting on September 2012) Find more stories at https://facebook/ChaosKrakens Artwork - Where Heavens Meet by Freydoon Rassouli
Posted on: Tue, 28 Jan 2014 09:32:34 +0000
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