My Father’s Story is My Story In order to look at myself honestly I write. I write to provide a personal perspective that may resonate with my readers. Writing also forces me to examine my relationships and to better understand my family. I am reminded that we are our own story and our families help create that story and their past stories help create our future narratives. I am my father’s son, but I am not my father. My father taught me how to be a man, but not in the direct way that you may think. Most boys grow up wanting to be like their father or a father figure. Not me. He was one of 18 and fathered 9. He was a hard worker and as a contractor. He hustled to make ends meet. He was that funny uncle, brother, son and father that always had an unfiltered cigarette with a whisk of smoke, dangling from his lips and a red pack of Pall Malls tucked securely in the front pocket of his work shirt. He was fond of telling corny jokes that made you laugh out loud not because the joke was funny, but because his mere telling it made the joke appear funny. He also was a hard drinker. Like most people that have drinking problems he struggled with a Jekyll and Hyde split personality. He was the life of the party and as well as a mean drunk. The type of mean drunk that would use his wife who was also an aunt, a sister and my mother as a punching bag. The type of drunk who with a Godzilla like vengeance would use his 6’ lean, muscular and disheveled frame to destroy the furniture and anything or one in his path. (Please let him fall asleep.) His fury was my education and his lesson plans taught me what type of man that I did not want to be. Writing also guides me towards forgiveness. 17 years after my father’s death I finally forgive him. Today I free myself from being angry at my father, from being angry at myself. Forgiving someone can be a pride killer, but I forgive him anyway. His truth, his story and my past can no longer pain my heart. I will not judge if I am the better man, but I will continue to strive to be a different man. Be positive, be encouraging and be forgiving. You matter
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 20:35:29 +0000
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