My Internal Critic, my Super Ego, whom Ive tongue-in-cheek called Judge Dredd is having a field day. Never really seen before last night how much he is continuously pecking, criticising, mis-directing and convincing me that he is the true me if only I would listen to him... Im pretty tired, under pressure needing to produce results and outcomes whos standard The Judge has set... ...so he can easily get the upper hand at the moment. You know, a situation shows up, deal with it but before getting back to center next situation happens, then a third etc etc generating this feeling of not being enough. Saw that mechanism only last week for the first time... Would be so easy to blame The Judge for so much; things in my life appearing less than His idea of perfect... ...but Im slowly learning to see Him as an important Gatekeeper. When for some reason, I can step back and see what Hes doing I can get just enough distance from it and Him to see I was caught up in a story. A very real, wannabee-drama kind of story. When He shows up, Hes showing me again and again the presence of my own deepest self-deceipt... ...that I am damaged and unloveable. As there is the one thing, the number 1 issue that I must face, time after time. Choosing each time between the Fear He would have me believe in or Trust which is the love my Universe is held together with... ...so tough as it is and weary as i get Judge... you are welcome here... P
Posted on: Thu, 04 Sep 2014 13:48:24 +0000
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