My caringbridge post: How Ive longed to be where we are in this journey. I set my goal on making it through chemo and just focusing on clear scans. Its funny how I thought this part would be so much easier. What was I thinking? My scanxiety has taken over! Im antsy and scared. I never want to have to tell another child that they have Cancer, or that Cancer is back. My heart breaks for the families that are just beginning their journey, or having to start all over again. There are no words to express the realities of childhood cancer. No words to explain this lump in my throat or churning in my stomach. As I take a long deep breath, close my eyes and remind myself, BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. Psalms 46:10. I have trusted God this far, why am I wavering now? Be still and know that he is the creator of the earth and that he will never forsake you. Breathe in long slow deep breaths and know that God is wrapping his arms around you and asking you to just trust. He gives you permission to fall into his arms and let him carry you for a while. Ive said it before, but I totally believe that God does give us more than we can handle so that we turn to him in need. Stubborn, self-sufficient people like me have issues handing our troubles and worries to God. Oh, but when we do there is a peace like you have never known... I remember watching my mom suffer through pancreatic cancer. I remember the peace that overcame me, even through the pain, when she finally went home to be with Jesus. You cant tell me that God doesnt have a bigger plan for us. I long for the day of total understanding. I long for the day that I am in The Kingdom of God and it all makes sense. I can only compare it to the innocence of a child waiting patiently and faithfully for that ice cream cone that their parents promised them. The rewards for our faithfulness are going to be grand! WE ARE OFFICIALLY NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE!!!!! It took everything I had to walk out of that clinic without being a blubbering idiot! All of our prayers have been answered. It is EXACTLY 10 months today that I took Trevor to the clinic for a tummy ache. Exactly 10 months ago my world started to crumble before my eyes. I have to admit that this has been the hardest thing that I have ever faced in my life! Im proud to say that my family did it! We couldnt have done it without all of you. You have no idea how much each of you have helped us in your own unique way. Physically, emotionally, financially and most important spiritually. Each of you have been a blessing. Thank you, thank you, thank you will never be thanks enough. Please know that each of you have touched our hearts. We will be celebrating tonight with pizza and cupcakes, per Trevors request. So many tears of joy are falling from our eyes today. I have said from day one that my God would heal my son and he has. There were many days I struggled with this, but how faithful was he? God is good all the time. All the time God is good.
Posted on: Thu, 16 Oct 2014 15:01:17 +0000
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