My daughter-in-law (actually, I am staking a claim on her as my daughter), has such a beautiful heart and soul, and knows how to express herself so well and with such grace. I am grateful to Felder for bringing her into our family. In case you didn’t see it, she posted the following: Grief is hard, especially around the holidays, and tomorrow is Felders birthday. Ive been trying to make life better by framing these occasions as celebrations of his life, and planning events to make it fun, so there will be lots of parties and gift-giving. Still, theres no way around just feeling SAD. When bad things happen in the world, it adds to the feeling that something is terribly wrong with everything, and face it, the news is crazy depressing right now. (I mean it always is, but it seems even more so than usual to me.) Still, I am able to find many moments of joy and happiness. Kella is such a gift to our family, and I hope she never loses her enthusiasm. She is so fun (usually). My dog Elsa is bad BAD (all my fault), but still so cute and loveable. I have so many family and friends and co-workers and acquaintances that I love and enjoy so much, and feel really grateful to have in my life. I still see beauty in many, many places. It seems to me that life is rather complex, and its not all good or all bad. What we choose to focus on can make a tremendous difference in how we experience our days. I also have been contemplating the mandate love one another as you love yourself. I love so many people, but Ive always been really hard on myself. I mean, what does it even mean to love yourself? So, Im trying to figure that out. I think it also helps to find creative ways to make an occasion out of something everyday, or to create a lovely experience. It not only makes you feel better, but it feels quite empowering, because so often we really dont have control over what happens to us, so taking the reins and making good things happen whenever you can really helps you feel like you have some control. Also, I know from experience that worry doesnt really affect outcomes, it just sucks the joy out of the moment. Its very hard to control those feelings. I know that when Felder had cancer, it felt like there was a dark cloud that never lifted. The fear never went away. I wish I had some secret on how to manage that, but I havent found the answer. I think just trying to stay connected with people during that time can be very helpful, and self-care is very important. I think you have to admit to yourself when you need help, when you need rest, and when you really just cant do it all anymore because of the stress. I think asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. Also, I feel so sensitive towards social labels we have, and now mine is young widow --YUCK!!! (Felder so hated to be cancer patient.) It almost feels like youre given a role in a play, but really youre just YOU, so it all feels really weird. It has also occurred to me that so much have what I have experienced in the past few years is just a universal, human experience, and all of us will go through similar circumstances of grief or loss at some point in our lives. I think its just another example that we all have more in common than what we think. Ive decided to share these thoughts in case they are helpful to you in whatever stuff is happening in your lives now. (I find small talk pretty tiresome, as most of you well know.
Posted on: Thu, 18 Dec 2014 19:45:34 +0000
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