My entire life I have been fearless of death... Not that I believe I am invincible, I was just able to accept that I am not going to live forever. I have also been to the point of turning the hands of time into my own.. But then I was blessed with a new life. I was given the gift of a guardian angel, placed so near to my heart that I could not possibly go on without him. Although, ever since my son Zayne Mikhail was born a year and a half ago, I can honestly and am embarrassed to say that I have been too close to seeing the end result with myself more times than I am willing to share... And I can still recall the memories.. Feeling so empty and broken. Having nothing and no one. The flashes of everything bad in my life bashing against every inch of my chest like a Boulder.. They become so painful that I literally scream and at that very last breath... my baby boy.... My beautiful laugh, my big blue eyes, my smile on rainy days, my big running hug around my legs, my baby... My world.. My son. My flesh and my whole heart, I am reminded of the one amazing and beautiful thing intertwined with all the bullshit in my life and how he needs me... How could I ever hurt my baby boy? Of course I never would, so why would I take the one thing he has, knows, needs and loves? Of course I never will. I gave my son life and he has saved mine a billion times and counting... My guardian... My angel. If there is a God, I see a piece of him in my son every single time I look into those giant Star lit eyes. No im not suicidal, I am truly happy to be me. I have never been more complete and proud than I am now as a mommy... I guess Im just trying to share just how deep love and motherhood really can go... And thats just a tiny piece. I love my son-my son is my life. I will forever cherish him, he deserves the universe... 👦👸💕
Posted on: Sun, 30 Nov 2014 04:25:39 +0000
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