My first day off and I have insomnia! My whole body feels out of sorts. I have been exhausted to the point of tears and still no relief. 3 weeks this time in my flare ups. These diseases I have been enduring for over 8 years has really taken a mental toll on me. My one wish was to sit and write till I became exhausted with joy of saying all the stories and poems in written form. I know God has a plan so I pray and pray for the answer to these diseases in me. No do for now. My mind is in such a fog I barely make it everyday in walking, moving and lately I dont even want to talk. I take my meds daily and tho I feel a 50% relief of pain its the mind that is gone into sleep mode. I think but cannot connect it to do. This is nothing into what I saw in my future when I studied to get my degrees. I didnt do it to earn big bucks but to feel the accomplishment of self-me. I came from nothing literally and feel so blessed to be here where I sit now but its not all I want. I cannot seem to feel my mindset of doing anything because my RA, Fibromyalgia, Lupus and MS have taken over me and stalled me. I have been able to really function well with Prednisone but for three weeks now I am clean of it in my body. To the point I have stopped functioning. I need to be off this med because it is affecting my liver function but I think I would trade off to be able to just function mentally. I feel dead in spirit since I have been in this fog. Once again I go to my doctors to see what can be done. Since taking plaquenil for my combined diseases I have felt less pain, yet lots of body numbness. A trade off in pain but a loss of mind. Its a fit that my doctors say is a trade off to less pain, yet its also an exhaustion that I have to rest more to be able to function in halves. This in turn slows my world a lot. I seem to just sit because I cannot do more, my interests are nill to the fact that I cannot get interested in my reading, or drawing but worst in my family life. A fog. In this fog now-week three. Flare ups have caused me pain and lost time for eight years now. I pray for a med that lets me function as me. One day. I keep praying to be set free of these diseases. One day.
Posted on: Fri, 08 Nov 2013 11:59:47 +0000
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