My latest blog on Trust and Inspiration. gentlemusings,blog. Last week I facilitated a women’s group that I belong to. In thinking of what I would create as a ceremony I had an inspirational thought. It stayed with me for a few weeks and then I let it slip away in the rush and tumble of my daily life. A few days before the circle I began to feel anxious about having no time to prepare and decided at the last minute to use the same ceremony that I was using for the full moon meditation which was taking place the night before the women’s circle. The inspiring thought was swallowed in the anxiety and rush. The full moon ceremony was wonderful…..uplifting, inspiring, and affirming so going into the women’s circle I felt at ease. We opened the circle, we drummed, we shared and I felt us go deep into the dream time…..soft, flowy, sweet energy. Taking out my notes to talk about the astrological aspects that were happening at the time didn’t seem to fit the atmosphere that had been created. But I couldn’t let go of my “plan”…..couldn’t release the notes I had prepared to just be with the energy of the moment and ask for inspiration to continue in a different way. My “talk” felt stilted and unfocused. I couldn’t follow my notes and the poetry felt flat and uninspiring. I have no idea how it was received but this was my perception. On the way home my niggly little inner critic started in on me. Now I have mostly made friends with the little guy, so he doesn’t stick around long, but nevertheless I could feel the old, “not enough” whisper in my ear. “ How would I ever be able to talk and inspire a room full of people on my book tour if I couldn’t even get it together for 5 of my women friends”? Sometime during the night the thought occurred to me that at the full moon ceremony, the night before, I had opened myself and invited into my life the awareness of what was needing to be released in me. I had talked about how big changes are coming for us as a planet and also personally. I could certainly feel that in my own life and as I sat in meditation that night, I said, “I am ready. Show me what no longer serves my higher good.” So my little friend, the critic and I need to have another conversation. We know each other so well by now that the conversation won’t last long, We will mostly just sit together in the silence holding each other gently with love and compassion and acceptance and hopefully, one of these days he will grow up. Later in the night another realization came…. how anxiety blocks my access to creativity and how I want to learn to be more present in the moment. Not big news, but in this situation it posed the question, “How would it have been different if I had just sat with the energy in the circle the way it was, quieted myself and asked, “How can I proceed here to support the field that had been created?”… and then just waited. Perhaps my original inspiration would have come to mind, perhaps I could have just asked that we sit and acknowledge the felt sense in the room. I think the bigger learning here for me is that as I’m stepping out into more public speaking I want to be more aware of the interaction of the subtle energies between me and my audience. What am I feeling within myself? What am I picking up from them? How can I adjust my talk to accommodate what is happening in the moment? This means that I let go of too rigid a reliance on my notes, that I take the time to create the atmosphere that will support me before anyone arrives and that I stay attuned to that energy as I proceed. It means trusting in my inspirations and not letting busyness or anxiety block me from that channel of creativity. It means more trust, more presence and more willingness to risk. I guess if big changes are coming my way these are good tools to have in my toolbox. I am grateful for the awareness.
Posted on: Tue, 27 Aug 2013 20:45:08 +0000
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