My life is vastly different than it was in 2006. Thats when my son, Colin was diagnosed with Autism. I remember the night I sat at a computer reading and feeling a fear crawl through me as I recognized each symptom on the diagnostic checklist. I remember the dread of having to tell Colins father what Id discovered. Any parent who has a child with a disease or condition that will forever alter your lives remembers that moment. It may sound odd to some, but after my initial fear came relief. I finally had answers. I had information. Which meant I could help him. I poured myself into researching the Biomedical Treatments (DAN) for the physiological problems that go along with autism. Gut issues, motor skill problems, cyclical vomiting, food phobias, weight loss, sleep problems, etc.. I had become a doctor for my child. I studied like any med student but instead of an exam hanging over my head, I had the fate of my childs health in my hands. The doctors here were useless, condescending, and close-minded. I knew more than they did and that was terrifying to me. I was so glad I had the internet to help me and after Colins rapidly declining health, weight loss, a week long hospital stay with pancreatitis we finally received help from a wonderful DAN doctor, Daniel Kalb, in Franklin TN. Colin eventually had a spinal tap, muscle biopsy and other exams by a mitochondrial specialist in Atlanta that showed he had a mitochondrial disorder that either aggravated, caused or coincided with Colins autism. After the appropriate supplements, injections and diets, he was finally well enough for his autism therapies to be effective.(Its hard for a child with autism to respond to therapy when they feel wretched). Colin will be going into the fifth grade this year. People who know me well can tell you that he is completely different and I am completely different. My purpose in writing this is not really to share Colins medical journey with you, although its necessary to explain my current attitude toward life and people. I was not fun to be around for a few years. I had a six month old Ewan to take care of and a job and constant researching. I hated everyone, everything, and was angry a lot because I felt no one would help me. And I had valid reasons to feel that way. Having a gravely sick child will change you to your core. When and if you come out the other side, you are more enlightened. You are wiser. You are more patient. You are forevermore part of a club you never asked to join. Of course youre happier but that last one can take a while because youve learned to be careful about feeling good, You dont want to be greedy. This will make sense to other people who have been there. I am forever grateful that my child is still here. I know how many are not as fortunate. My real purpose in sharing this is to let people know that you can be happy again after youve lived through horrible things. It is also to say that you really dont always know what people have gone through in their lives to make them the people they are today. Good or bad. I am happier today than I have ever been in my entire life. I have two healthy kids, a wonderful husband, supportive parents, great friends, and a friendly, respectful relationship with my kids father. I didnt get here by accident. I made choices, had support and did what I could to have a happy life. I will never apologize for being happy and I will never be afraid of many things I would have been before. Theres no worse fear than losing your child. Living through that fear has made me who I am today. If I could go back and change it, would I? Yes. I would take Colins autism away every time. But I cant. So I have grudgingly accepted the gifts I received. Appreciation for big and small things. People and their quirks. My job. My home. My family. My friends. My limited wisdom. My experience. My fewer fears. The knowledge that no person on this earth will ever break me. My will to survive. My knowledge that I can. I can live with that.
Posted on: Wed, 30 Jul 2014 17:21:06 +0000
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