My two favorite teams are Oklahoma and whoever plays Texas! Q:How do you get an UT graduate off your porch? A:Pay him for the pizza Q:What does an UT graduate say to an OU grad? A:Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order? Q:How do you keep an UT student busy for a month? A:Give him a package of M & Ms and tell him to alphabetize them. An UT grad is driving home from work when his cell phone rings. He answers and his wife says honey just wanted to warn you and let you know that I am watching the news and some idiot is driving on the wrong side of the interstate. The UT grad then replied honey I am already on my way home, but your wrong it is not one idiot but hundreds of them. Albert Einstein goes to a party. He introduces himself to a lady and says, Hi, Im Albert Einstein. Whats youre IQ?..........240, she says. Great, we can discuss the mysteries of the universe and other things. We have a lot we can talk about he replies. Later he is talking with a man and says, Hi, Im Albert Einstein. Whats youre IQ?.......145, he replies. Great, we can talk about thermodynamics, says Albert. Later he is talking to another gentleman and says, Hi, Im Albert Einstein. Whats youre IQ?........43, the man manages to say. Einstein gets a puzzled look on his face for a minute then says, How about them Longhorns? An UT grad was swirling from left to right on the road in his car. He was doing this for five minutes. Finally a cop pulls over and asks him, Sir, why are you swirling from left to right? The UT grad replies, Well officer I was driving along when I saw a tree. I had to move left until I saw another tree. Practically everywhere I went, I saw a tree and I had to keep turning. Then the cop said, Sir, thats your air freshener. A first grade teacher in Austin, Tx, explains to her class that she is a Longhorn fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Longhorn fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl... The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, Janie, why didnt you raise your hand? Because Im not a Longhorn fan she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked Well, if you are not a Longhorn fan, then who are you a fan of? I am a Sooner fan, Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. Janie, WHY are you a Sooner fan? Because my Mom is a Sooner fan, my Dad is a Sooner fan, so I am a Sooner fan also. Well said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, that is no reason for you to be a Sooner fan. You dont have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your Mom was a snotty arrogant jackass and your Dad was a snotty arrogant jackass, what would you be then? Then Janie smiled,Wed be Longhorn fans. Q: What does the average UT student get on his SAT? A: Drool. Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Texas weddings? A: To keep the flies off the bride. Austin News Report: Football practice in Austin was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Mack Brown, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again. Q: How many University of Texas freshman does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, its a sophomore course. Q: How many Texas fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, but he gets 3 credits. Q: Did you hear about the University of Texas fan who locked his keys in his car? A: He couldnt get his family out. A Texas Longhorns fan walks into a doctors office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, How can I help you? The frog replies, I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt. Q: Why dont Texas Longhorns fans let their kids play in sand boxes? A: Because cats keep covering them up. Q: Whats the only sign of intelligent life in Austin? A: Norman: 187 Miles Did you hear about the Longhorn fan who was so upset that the Sooners beat Texas that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window? Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Texas fan and a pig? A: Nothing. Theres some things that a pig will not do.
Posted on: Tue, 10 Jun 2014 15:01:08 +0000
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