NOTE: There is some R-rated language in this area. Before reading further, please be aware of this! Sesame Street Bus There was this guy who just got a new job as a school bus driver for elementary school children. He thought it would be nice to paint the school bus with characters from Sesame Street. So he painted Bert and Ernie, Big Bird, The Cookie Monster and the rest on the bus. At his first stop, there was this very overweight little girl. He opened the door and said, Hi, Im the new bus driver. What is your name? The girl said that her name was Pattie. Waiting at the next stop was another overweight little girl. He said, Hi, Im the new bus driver. What is your name? She said that her name was Pattie also. At the next stop, there was a grown woman and a little boy. The bus driver said, Hi, Im the new bus driver. What is your name? The woman piped up and said, His name is Ross and he is my son. She continued, He is very, very special, so I want you to take extra good care of him. The bus driver replied, No problem. He can have this seat right behind me and I can watch him carefully in the mirror. At the next stop, there was this little country boy standing there. The little boy was wearing tattered overalls and had no shoes or socks on his feet. The poor little boy had problems walking because of bunions all over his feet. The bus driver said, Hi, Im the new bus driver. What is your name? The little boy replied, My name is Lester Cleese. Well, little Lester picked at his bunions all the way to the school house, nearly driving the driver crazy. Later that night, at home, his wife asked him how his first day on the new job was. The man replied: Well, I had Two Obese Patties, Special Ross, Lester Cleese Picking Bunions On A Sesame Street Bus. Ticket Excuse A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks I can outrun this guy, so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures he cant outrun the cop and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says Listen mister, Ive had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and Ill let you go. The man thought for a moment and said, Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me! Modern Aesops Fable A horse and a chicken were walking down a country road and they saw that there was some corn just across the ditch by the road. The horse walked over to eat the corn. Before he got to the corn he became stuck in the mud. For all his trying he could not get out of the mud. So he tells the chicken, Hey, go over to that farm house and get some help to get me out of this mud. When the chicken gets to the farm house, he cant find anybody to help him get the horse out of the mud. However, he notices that there is a Mercedes parked in the driveway and the keys are in the ignition. The chicken drives the Mercedes back down the road, ties a rope he found to the Mercedes and throws the other end to the horse. In a jiffy the horse is out of the mud. The two proceed down the road again. And again they see some more corn on the side of the road. This time the chicken crosses over the ditch to get the corn. And as luck would have it, the chicken gets stuck in the mud. The chicken tells the horse, Hey, go get that Mercedes and pull me out of this mud. The horse surveys the problem and says, I think I can straddle this ditch because it is not too big and when I do just grab my dick and Ill pull you out of the mud. The horse does as he says and the chicken is pulled out of the mud. So what is the moral of this story? When your hung like a horse, you dont need a Mercedes to pick up chicks!
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 05:12:31 +0000
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