NaPoWriMo, #23. being a son is obvious enough you are born you are male there is a man there he is your Dad the matter is settled but the realization that you have a father takes a lifetime at first, you can only perceive him as he is: middle-aged, unfashionable, slightly embarrassing all of these things are true until one day when you see a photo older than you or see your Dad with your own child or see yourself through your childs eye and you realize that history repeats itself again, and again and again you are who you are because of in spite of in parallel with your father the push and pull intertwined wrestling with one another since generations out of mind once as a kid my Dad reverenced the Boston Marathon said it was so difficult that runners couldnt take the stairs for days thirty years later I ran that very race wincing with a smile down every staircase he once paid far too much for wood paneling because he didnt know how to finish drywall I learned drywall from a tyrant so I could make problems disappear my dad dreamed of smoking ribs collected stacks of recipes, cross-referencing, strategizing, note-taking but always intimidated by the process I cracked that nut, laying them on a plate before him my dad loved books, gushed with wonder at the power of words speaking in hushed tones about those who commanded language I wrote one, about being the dad of a son gone too soon swelling with the word that he liked it fulfilling your Dads dreams is a mixed blessing at best heady with the accomplishment and drunk on his pride but also wracked with guilt that the joy wasnt his I have done what my Dad didnt But I am woefully unable to do what he did: pay the bills shoulder the work stand in the gap stay steady at one thing carry the family through though I have momentarily shone brightly, I am a candle to his flame
Posted on: Thu, 24 Apr 2014 03:34:49 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015