Needing to be liked causes us a lot of problems. Of course, we want others to like us and approve of us as we are, and this is a commonplace and human desire. But if we want this excessively, obsessively or compulsively and have to have it and dont get it, this will feel like a need that must be fulfilled for us to feel good about ourselves and about our lives. And that becomes a huge problem for us, because it causes us to base how we feel each day on what others think of us, not what we think of ourselves. Others liking us is actually only a want -- something we desire -- that becomes a need, something we have to have, or something we think we have to have to be OK. So, stop needing to be liked. Realize that you really dont need it. Understand that being liked is very overrated anyway, and life is not a popularity contest. Of course, its wonderful and convenient to be liked, but not everyone is going to like us. Instead it should be important to each of us to be likeable, and to be a person who has likeable qualities. When we know that we are good people who have likeable qualities, we can simply be secure in that, and not worry about whether anyone else in the world likes us or not. The fact is that there are simply people who are going to dislike us, regardless of how good we are and how likeable we are. That is just reality. No matter how likeable, good, nice, kind -- downright wonderful -- we are, some people are just not going to not like us, for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with who and what we are...or what we are not. In fact, the more good, likeable and wonderful we are, the more people may surface who dont like us, and they may be absolutely nasty to us. These people may also say very not nice things -- things that we definitely dont like -- about us to others. Such unpleasant people will do their best to make you unhappy, simply because they are unhappy. The simple truth is that happy people arent mean, nasty and hurtful to others. Happy people are nice and likeable people, automatically and naturally, and they dont have to work very hard at this. Unhappy, miserable people, however, will attempt to spread their unhappiness, because misery always wants company, and so they will always be working very hard at this. Unhappy people want others to be as unhappy as they are. Deep down inside, regardless of what they appear to project about themselves, unhappy people do not like themselves, and they dont want want anyone else to like themselves either. And people who dont like themselves also dont want others to like you. You dont have to allow and tolerate this to be a nice and likeable person. You dont have to like (enjoy) everyone, and you dont have to be liked by everyone else to be a good person. The numbers of people who like you -- be they large or small -- doesnt prove how good a person you are. Always protect your own happiness from unhappy, unlikeable people who wont like you no matter how good and wonderful you are. Be strong enough in your opinion of yourself that others opinion of you wont make you question your own quality as a human being. More likes doesnt make you a better person. You can be strong, assertive, and you can still be a nice and likeable person. And the strongest, most assertive and powerful statement is to accept and understand that people may not like you -- in fact, they may fiercely dislike you -- and to just say I really dont care. And actually mean that. And not be affected by that dislike in the slightest. You can be perfectly OK with people not liking you. What IS important is that we like ourselves. We can and should like ourselves a lot. So much so, that it doesnt bother us when some other people dont like us. Its not the end of the world if everyone doesnt like you. Take pride in yourself and the kind of person you are, not in how many people like that.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Oct 2014 07:11:46 +0000
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