Nerve gas was invented by Nikolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky in 1776 to stop the American colony in Britain from rebelling against taxation with representation. Although it is widely revered as the most dangerous of all of the gases, even laughter gas. The danger of laughter gas was really when it was misspelled as slaughter gas. Originally, nerve gas was made of bottled cow byproduct and nitrous oxide, but is now made of a very toxic, very hard to spell chemical. Its invention was probably accidental, because accidental inventions are always much nicer to read about that somebody who tried and tried and tried to invent something, then invented it, then died. THe world must be a better place than that, because nerve gas has to be balanced with something. Maybe its kittens. (A scientific paper from the year 2015 (dont ask how I got a hold of that) proves that if a kitten and nerve gas are placed in a box they will physically cancel each other out in s large explosion, similar to a matter-antimatter annihalation) [edit] Production Today, nerve gas is produced from nuclear isotopes. This innovation by Febreeze somehow allows the gas to remain in the air longer, giving you a longer lasting fresh scent[1]. This can be overcome by holding your breath and saying Damnit a lot. In the event that it is released in your house, car, or special ops center, you should take the time to read the nutrition facts on the nice shiny canister, as you never know how many trans fats you could be inhaling. This is why a certain unnamed overweight computer programmer died while enjoying the scent. But not to worry, as long as you, you daughter, a psyciatrist, your current love interest, and a mentally unstable computer geek remain in you vacuum sealed situation room unil your non racially offending tactical officer comes with the Hazmat team, youll be safe. Several Factories produce nerve gas. In an attempt to make the percentage of deaths from fast food higher, eco-terrorists have blown up many nerve gas factories to lower its death rate, though now since there is less nerve gas but more fatalities, the number has actually skyrocketed, unlike Al Gores votes in Florida! This action often has these results: 1. More gas is released. 2. the factorys insurance company ceases to exist. 3. People totally fail to start caring. The US Air Force has also attempted to destroy nerve gas factories, but most bombing missions end in the destruction of one or more medicine factories or childrens hospitals. This has led to an interesting study that concluded that if the nerve gas were produced at those places, the strikes would be more effective. To make this true, US operatives stole most of the nerve gas and placed it in the hospitals and medicine factories. The bomber then destroyed them, along with the gas. It is unknown why the gas was not simply destroyed by the operatives. It is believed to have something to do with peanut butter and helium ballons. The same eco-terrorists that tried to destroy the factories are believed to be responsible for the peanut butter. They are, however, opposed to the use of helium, because nobody takes them seriously when the sound like Donald Duck. THe ballons were delivered by a company that has no operational record in any country outside of Bolivia. More information can be found at thiswebsitedoesnotexist. Several mildly insane production methods involve filling wine fermenting tanks with nerve gas, allowing it to age, and then selling it. The bottled gas is actually more expensive by weight than gold or macadamia nuts. The last year this was done was 1957. 1957 is regarded as a good year, and only three original bottles remain intact. Two belong to Oprah and the third is sitting in a subway train in New Jersey with a timer on a small hammer that will smash it when the timer runs out. The time is estimated to be 58 minutes. Some of the original bottles are still available on eBay, though the contents have been released, probably at a sporting event (See below). One other method involves taking the nerve gas, pumping it into an air freshener, filtering it through, then injecting it into a chocolate bar. This method has only been tried once, with disastorous results. Occasionally, the FBI has to deal with homemade nerve gas. Below is how to make it: Dont. Now that thats over with, one other unusual type of nerve gas has been created: Visible nerve gas, a form that kills via your eyes. It is commonly known as a french movie. Blind people are immune to this form, much the same way that people who dont breather and/or SCUBA divers are immune to regular nerve gas. [edit] Use Actually, this only happens with the limited edition nerve gas sold while Season 5 of 24 was on the air. You must be 18 or older to purchase in the US and Canada. Other countries? There are much easier ways of getting it than actually BUYING it Nerve gas is ofthen used to delete red links and to hush environmentalists. It has been used by terrorists on several occasions, including the most famous attack, when it was released in a pora-potty exposition. 300 people died, and Michael Moore made a documentary/horror film about it, with its name taken from a number 100 higher than 200. During a screening, he was murdered by Jean Vilkes Bouthe, a French actor/perfume peddler/chinese food salesman. The body was flown to Arlington, but the plane crashed when more nerve gas was released from a canister stowed in the aft lavatory. Nerve gas can be used as a fuel in its liqiud form, though it usually ends like this. The new Nerve gas/nuclear weapon hybrids are a huge improvement. The second most important use was by a group of terrorists who released it in the Wikipedia headquarters, killing 40% of their workers. After someone very stupid realized that a letter that had contained the remote detonator had been mailed there by someone at Uncyclopedia, a nuclear retaliatory attack was ordered by The Head of Wikipedia. The attack struck a Wal Mart, which, as everyone knows, is the source of all matter created in the universe. This caused the entire world to suddenly vanish, then reappear as it had been several hours before the explosion. Nobody knew what had happened, except for me, and even now the men in white coats are coming for me. Saddam Hussein likes nerve gas, a lot. I mean a lot. A LOT OF A LOT. So much that he used to kill grues with it, but was stoped by Napoleon the 67387th in the battle of Bastings. It can be used to clean fish and chineese food from deadly toxins like MSG and water, as well as controlling the workers on the set of your fake documentary that you wil use to assault the Sundace Film Festival. In 2004 a Pepsi can (much inferior to Coke [the neutrality of this article is disputed]) containing nerve gas was thrown onto the field at the superbowl, where it then sat for 45 minutes until it was stepped on by a drunk fan. Luckily, the contents were not released until a fan brought it to work the next day to show his boss, and the can depressurised in the bosss office. He probably deserved it though. One of the fermented gas bottles was opened at a celebrity chefs restaurant in LA, and was poured into a glass. There is a very good reason why you should not sniff wine before drinking it. As a result, the journalist reporting on the event omitted all vowels from his story. A sample: Th scn t mrls rstrnt n l s shckng fr mre rsns then ne. Th nrv gs rlsd lst ngh nl klld tn ppl bt csd mjr dmg t thr plts. He later one the pulitzer prize but tripped walking up the steps to get it, so the award was given to Fransisco Barker for his story on the orphanage that exploded when its boiler was used to cook eggs. Another of the bottles was dropped off of a tall building as a couple shared a romantic monet on the roof of their tax office. The bottle struck a pedestrian and the contents killed everyone on the block. Fortunately, before the gas could spread there was an explosion in the buildig which vaporized the gas, the couple, a dog, three construction workers, 9 birds (its ok, they had just crapped on a toddler), twelve market analysts, and a salami. Perhaps the most startling use of the limited edition bottles was during a production of the Broadway musical Hairspray. The bottle was sitting offstage to be opened at the end by the cast and several unimportant people when a stagehand realized that there was no hairspray in the hairspray bottle. Knowing that the famous drama critic/suicide advocate (same thing really) jose pensada (lower case for artistic reasons) was in attendance, he paniced. During the production of The Phantom of the Opera when a torch went out halfway through the really long not in the middle jose wrote a scathing review despite bribery, blackmail, and carbombings by the producers of the play. Thinking quickly, the stagehand poured the bottles contents into an aerosol can and handed it to the male lead, who, as part of his act, sprayed it all over his head and promptly died. Nobody realized that he was actually dead until somebody got on Wikipedia and went straight to the spoilers section for the musical. With no mention of the mans death, panic ensued. One other person was killed, and IRS agent who grabbed the can to sell on ebay, but accidentally dropped it and discharged its contents. Nobody knows what happened to the bottle tagged #66937, except that it was shipped to the wrong adress after being made. In order to correct this mistake, the worker who shipped the bottle to the wrong adress was given a letter saying simply DO NOT OPEN THE BOTTLE and was told to do what he did when he shipped the bottle. The first attempt failed when the letter came back stamped: RETURN TO SENDER: Insufficient postage to leave the country. THis lead to the realization that the bottle was ow out of the country, possibly in the hands of someone foreign. The letter was given enought postage to reach to the moon, but not back, and sent out again. The letter arrived at the adress where the bottle of nerve gas was located, and then exploded, killing the dictator who was holding the bottle. Unfortunately the shock wave destoyed the bottle. In the aftermath, all that remained was a smoldering TV dinner. Nobody ever actually found the location, because the one worker who knew the adress went there soon after and never came back. Some believe that this may be the cause of the Tunguska event. Nobody knows what happened to the bottle tagged DO NOT OPEN, except that it probably was. The second-to-last bottle in existence was also used at a Superbowl, though this one in 2003. (Think of what happened in Sum of All Fears... (What do you mean you didnt see it? Did anybody? Really?) Ok, forget that refrence the bottle was opened in the Big Glass Room That Celebrities Sit In At The Top Of The Stadium TM (patent pending) and soon filled the room. Once everybody was dead and all of the guacamole was gone, the a security guard happened to walk into the room to grab some fried chicken, and therefore allowed the gas to exit the room. It took the elevator down to the pressbox, where it entered and killed all of the Fox News reporters (Nerve gas may be a conservative WMD) and then proceeded to the locker room of that team nobody remembers. Everybody there was killed except for one fan who had broken in, seen the whole backup team naked, and them watched them die. He is STILL in therapy. THe nerve gas stopped there because at that point Kiefer Sutherland (who apparently liked the other team) cam in and shot it. Yes, that is possible. The last bottle is sitting in the backseat of your car.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 16:19:27 +0000
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