Never a dull moment around her! Yesterday when getting my scooter out of the van I wasnt paying good attention to what I was doing and turned to sharp. Running over one of the ramp sides and ultimately turning the scooter over. It gets worse and if I didnt hurt so bad today Id be laughing my rear off at me! So I gather myself and try to push the scooter upright but couldnt budge it so u scorched on my back over to a chair in the garage and thankfully was able to get myself up on it?. Feeling encouraged I thought get up, walk over with the cane and deaf the chair and tip up the scooter. Great idea dum dumb you left the cane on the ground by the scooter! Exasperation set in and I calmed myself down and said think this through to the end of the play then start! Brilliant Dennis! So I scotched the chair over which is no easy task when its on carpet and you cant stand on one leg! Pushed the remaining carpet out of the way and scotched the chair over to the scooter and up righted it. So far so good. But dont rush follow the plan! Scootch the chair over to the scooter not realizing it had gotten the seat in the opposite direction so I couldnt sit on it! So I scoothch the chair around to a point I could reach the lever and unlock the swivel and turn it around! Finally getting to the scooter seat I sat down and exhausted rested a few minutes and as any worth his weight smoker would do smoked a cigarette to reward my self for part of a job well done! But! Tin the course of scooching on the floor of the garage my lighter wouldnt light! Damn I couldnt even reward myself! So the rest helped anyway and realizing I wasnt done I drove the now upright scooter and took the chair back knowing I may need it later. Went and picked up my cane and put it by the chair in hope that I would later be able to stand again! Then went and picked up my keys coke and hat that were flung off when the scooter tipped. Oh I forgot to mention earlier the coke first spilled all over me before landing on the ground sorry but you forget things when your suffering from the agonizing process of reliving a bad experience you yourself created! If I run out of space or you get bored I understand it wasnt fun for me either! But in hindsight its a great comedy of errors! So everything is now in my basket on the scooter! Great Im on my way! I look at my watch and time flys when your having fun. I look down and my khaki pants are torn on the leg and my whole body aches, Im sweating profusely its the gulf coast you know! I head back to the chair and have a seat. I was able to stand a little so Im optimistic again! Phase 2 planning session! Wait I never had that cigarette reward did I? Sat down on ah the lighter worked this time. See it just needed a break like me! Slowly I puffed another 7 minutes of my life away and meanwhile as you avid smokers know some of our best thinking is done while we smoke. Historians take note! Thats why the Indians suggested the peace pipe breaks to enable everyone to have a moment of clarity in the middle of chaos! Thats not fact of course I made it up but it sounded good right? For those of you with the endurance (or patience, or boredom with life in general) Ill move on! Newly composed and smoke charged I decided the house wasnt coming out to me and I really wanted that cold quarter pounder that had been dragged across the garage floor (give me a break:) it was in a box inside a bag!) I put everything within reach of the door to the house ( thank god I had the foresight to build those shelves 25 years earlier when we finished building the house). I knew this day would come and they would be helpful, plus we needed something to support the cabinets above! Never mind that Im downgrading my foresight and genius. So feeling better it attempt the stand! Im up and my legs are holding so far now, remember your physical therapy the last 7 years! The first step is the hardest and the most important cause you screw up its you dont pass go, and you dont collect 200$! So I prudently made that first step (actually more of a shuffle) grabbed ahold of those well constructed shelf braces gritted my teeth and said Im not going down! I opened the door started grabbing things off the shelves, once I had everything in I convinced myself by now my left leg is strong enough to make the step up and if it wasnt at least I would fall inside the house! Its the little thing at the point that count..go ahead laugh if your lucky youll never really understand what that means! So up I go! Made it. Now slowly shuffling more than walking I clear the laundry room, can now see the long jaunt threw the kitchen ahead but think to myself hell Ive got this I have counters to lean on all the way to my living room where my recliner sits! I proceed , clear the kitchen with ease, the fair is in sight and I already feel a little better. I move forward out of counter now but only 3 more normal steps but Im shuffling so make it 6. You know us cpas follow the rules of conservatism with numbers! Made it! Deep sigh, recline back and relax. Then I remember, lunch and doctors appt at 345. No problem 2 hours for a normal walker right...wrong. The lunch is in the laundry room where I left it so up I go shuffling back nearby he counter tops. Get the burger, grab the coke determining Im wearing most of t It get another, Im full of optimist that is success driven by my newly found legs! Go to the trash it was on the way, stop at the frig get a new coke and back to my chair. Took longer than it sounds but youve been patient or blew this off long ago anyway! As I predicted the qp was cold and taste like crap cold and no way I was walking more to nuke it so I dove into the 4 chocolate chip cookies I bought! Healthy diet right. Dont tell Michelle Obama or she will be taking a vacation to Texas to set up my new meal plan! I wont recognize her and shoot the presidents wife for trespassing (and you thought those cable tv join dish commercials were ridiculous! Now that Im no longer famished off to the trash and then to my office before I head to the drs appt. so I do, get involved with a land sale transaction hypnotize myself into losing tract of time, say my oh shit and gingerly get up and head to the door. My sunglasses are in the van pick up my jacket I stripped out of earlier and go to that scooter that had just a short time ago bucked me off! (See dad I was listening to that bullshit you were yelling at me at the farm!) Now back the scooter on the van ramp, push the up button and nada! Now how can that be I just drove it! Another one of the mechanical mysteries that drive me crazy. So I think this thing loves to play games! I go around to the drivers door reach in and turn the ignition and again nada! Plan b, jump start it,off my other truck. Sounds easy enough but no dodge keys, I usually only grab a set for the one Im driving. I dont get down Im a problem solver so in the house I go, grab the dodge keys, and head for the door thinking I can still do this. So taking my trusty steed (scooter) for those that read above) and head to the truck. Our drive has a fairly steep slope thanks to the county building code, not a place a person who has trouble walking needs to go. But nothing is stopping me now! I shall do it, whatever it takes (how foolish I was) I say in hindsight. I pull the scooter under the patio cover . Pause think jumper cables. Back of the dodge, got em, go to van park scooter between them it starts rainin..sigh I wont melt get them hooked to the van go to the truck t get close enough to get in, start the truck, go hook the cables to the truck and presto change the van lights come on. Now just get in the truck and shut off the unnecessary functions ac, wipers, radio get on the scooter and Im good to go right? Wrong again remember the shitty day I was having well its about to get worse. Stand up by the truck have maybe or five shuffles and Im at the scooter! No such luck between the wind gusting and rain blowing I took one step and fell backwards onto the driveway. Damn that hurt! In the rain on your back hurting you dont do your clearest thinking and due to the rain you cant smoke your way through it. It did cross my mind to scooch under the truck and smoke one then I thought great light the lighter and gas fumes blow up the truck that will not count as progress. So I did what any wet sore weary man would do in my position. Thought. That was a bad idea cause I thought my cell phone is in my bag in the scooter get it and call your neighbor. No then your phone will get we or youll break it scooching in so I began scooching part way under the rain protection of my truck feet and legs getting soaked. If there was ever a reason for washing your vehicle I found it as the dirt and mud dripped on my face and hair. E So I did the only sensible thing I could think of, I got in the rain and took a rather long shower! After garage a long scooch from the driveway ( partially up hill) thru our extended length 3 car garage) I saw the chair. This time I dragged the cane with me! Okay time for some clarity. Yep have a smoke! If you dont comprehend this smoking foolishness then you clearly arent a smoker! My hands are tired so Ill pick up the rest tomorrow! Night all thanks for your patience if I havent lost you already!
Posted on: Fri, 28 Mar 2014 05:15:21 +0000
Trending Topics
© 2015