New Year Resolutions. I dont know who the first person EVER was to make a New Years resolution, but its easy to understand why. I mean, its the beginning of a new year and maybe the person didnt like what had gone down in the previous year so he/she made some kind of vow to do better. AND, I understand how that caught on. I mean, its the grass is greener syndrome all over again. If you know someone who cashed in on some big project, you want a piece of the action, right? So someone else made a bigger resolution and then another and another and someone thought of making a list, which is an even bigger mess because then you have multiple things youve decided need changing. And VOILA! It is no longer about really making a change, its now about do YOU make a list? I make a list. I have ten things on my list. and the other person says, Really, well I have twelve. And the friend standing nearby says, Well, I only have one, and then everyone freaks and tries to pare back the extravagant nature of their list to only one special thing so that they are in line with the fashion of the day, and in the long run everyone is trying so hard to fit in with everyone else that they forget to actually work on what they resolved to change. Me, I dont do resolutions anymore. Havent done them for years. Why? Because for as long as I can remember, the first thing I wrote down every year was LOSE WEIGHT. Think about it. Every year. Every year I convinced myself that I was not enough. I told myself I would never have it made until I looked good, too. And every year I started January off on an effing diet that lasted, if I was diligent, until maybe Valentines Day, at which time the heart-shaped box of chocolates, (my drug of choice) pulled me back to the dark side. I then went through the rest of the year with the diet monkey on my back. I was a failure. It colored everything I thought about what I said and what I did because Id failed to lose weight, therefore I was a failure. Somehow Id overlooked the fact that I was raising two amazing kids and working at a hard job for poor pay and trying to make a bad marriage better. But in my eyes, I didnt look good, therefore I wasnt successful. And then one New Years day I sat down to write my resolutions for the new year and all of a sudden my husband at the time came in the back door shouting that the pasture was on fire and it was burning toward the hay lot where the round bales were stored. I called the volunteer fire department but there was a twenty-five mph wind and a lot of dry grass and they got there in time to watch about forty-five round bales of hay go up in smoke. The fire had also spread to the point that while they were up on the hill trying to put out the burning hay, I was down in the back yard spraying water with a garden hose to keep the grass from burning too close to the house. By the time that day was over and Id run back across that stupid list I had yet to make, I could have cared less about being fat. Reality had dealt me a hot slap in the face on a cold winter day. In the grand scheme of things, like losing an entire winter of feed for a herd of cattle, a diet fell way down on the list of important things to do. I never made a resolution again. I realized that I was setting myself up as a failure at the onset, because in my eyes something was already wrong with me. I was a failure, so I couldnt possibly lose weight because I had already failed. It was an eye-opening realization. Yeah, fighting fire will do that to you. Its when youre faced with losing what really matters, like a home and safety, that you see how shallow resolutions can often be. So now, I just eat black-eyed peas because they taste good, not because I believe its good luck. I dont make resolutions because Ill find enough to worry about throughout the year without help, and because I like myself just how I am. Ive been up and down the yo-yo thing with weight but it doesnt matter anymore because I learned to forgive myself for not being perfect. I learned to enjoy the small things in life and be happy with what I earned, not what someone else had been given. I learned that I am enough. And that IS enough.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Dec 2014 18:00:56 +0000
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