Nina shared this comment in response to a parent in the Q&A group who is struggling with transitioning to her older more authoritarian approach to PP. Shes happy for me to share it here, I thought some of you might also relate and find this validating. ~ Genevieve You are going through exactly what I went through when I suddenly dropped more punitive methods of discipline. Honestly I am still having difficulty in this area although it has gotten a lot better. What I can tell you is that the more I focus on creating close, personal connections with my kids, the better it gets. Something to consider is that the authoritarian parenting style is very behavior focused. The authoritarian parent uses punishment in order to get specific behaviors from their child. What sometimes happens (it did with me) is that parents will realize they dont want to use physical punishments or other forms of punishments and so they drop those out of their parenting toolbox, but they still have the same authoritarian expectation of their kids which are the expectations that their kids should behave a certain way. But peaceful parenting is not about getting kids to behave. It is about creating mutual respect between parent and child and becoming a team to solve family issues together, based on individual needs. When we are behavior focused we can only think about our children in terms of whether or not they are being good. When we are connection focused we begin to think about our children in terms of how connected we are with them. We see misbehavior as a message that there is a disconnection between us. We assume the good intentions of our children and dig deeper to understand why our child is feeling so badly that they would act in the ways they do. I feel your frustration because I equally find myself in situations where Im pulling my hair out and inwardly screaming, WHY CANT YOU JUST DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO?! There is also the stress of feeling judged as you transition from one parenting style to another and having other people see your struggle. In fact that feeling of being judged is oftentimes the biggest stresser of all because we feel like we HAVE to show results to the people in our lives who are watching us. I guess what I want to say is that you are not alone and I really get it. Im struggling right alongside you and thats why were here, to support each other. We are all doing the best we can and you arent a crappy mom because you are struggling. You are an awesome mom because you are trying so, so hard!
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 22:58:48 +0000
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