November is the hardest month for me. Its the time I lost my father and I will never forget how sad and horrible that thanksgiving was. Last year on Thanksgiving is when I started feeling sick with my disease (even tho I didnt tell anyone). Then I lost my Grandma and Aunt this month this year. I dont know why this month always has to be so shitty for me. Every year I have take some time to myself to grieve for my dad. Now I will grieve for my dad, grandma, and Aunt. What is also weird about the month of November is that it seems to be the time of year when my disease feels like attacking me. Not every year but majority of them. Its hard for me to hate this month because I want it to be special for my daughter and loved ones. I just cant help it and I end up bottling it all inside until I can take that time away from everyone and grieve. I spend my time thinking about the memories I had with them and talk to the air in hopes my falling family members hear me. I tell them how I miss them and that I wish they were here to see all I have done in my life and what I have coming up. Tonight I will have a scotch and cigar for my father. I will play some Andrea Baccelli for my Grandma and I will read all the encouraging messages from my Aunt telling me to keep fighting even tho she was fighting for her own life at the time. I love you Dad, Grammy and Aunt Val.
Posted on: Thu, 27 Nov 2014 01:20:27 +0000
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