Now, lets fast forward back to the present time. If toys have instruction manuals, shouldnt life have one! I think so, and that is why I have attempted to come up with 50 things that should be included in the manual of life. I hope you will enjoy this list as I know I have! Agreement Uwah.. Rules for Lifes Instruction Manual 1. Dont try to outdo a woodchuck. You will lose miserably and your teeth will hate you for life! 2. Dont go swimming in an aquarium, especially one with sharks. I have heard that they wouldnt appreciate it. 3. Dont dive into a pool without water. 4. Dont dive into the shallow end of a pool, unless you are Michael Phelps. I am sure he could get away with it. 5. Dont drink and drive! 6. Dont challenge the roadrunner to a race! You will lose by a long shot and will have to face the humility every time you hang out with him. The roadrunner will never let it go, at least this is what I have heard. 7. Dont attempt to cross the border without a passport, especially if you have illegal goods in the trunk. 8. Dont swim in a thunderstorm. I have heard that lightning and water are not a good combination! 9. Dont stick your fingers in the hot tub jets. 10. Dont grab a knife or sword by anything but the handle. 11. Dont flip off the Mafia, they dont appreciate rude actions such as these. 12. Dont take your personal beauty nap in the middle of a high-traffic road. In fact, dont sleep in the road EVER! 13. Dont juggle hot coals. I have heard they can get very hot! 14. Dont mistake poop for melted chocolate. 15. Dont stand under a tree while it is being cut down! When you hear the word TIMBER, definitely do not be standing under a tree, because it could be the one falling down! 16. Dont mistake a girl for being pregnant. This can only bring about an awkward proceeding conversation. 17. Dont play soccer with a porcupine! 18. Dont drunk call your ex-girlfriend. 19. Look both ways before you walk across a four lane highway! 20. Before you cross a four lane highway, ask yourself this question: Why am I crossing a four lane highway? Sometimes thinking things through can save a whole lot of trouble. 21. Dont chew on pens. One of my friends in high school did this, and it leaked all over her, including inside her mouth. True Story! 22. Dont eat poisonous berries! 23. Dont play patty-cake with a jelly fish. I have heard that they can be dangerous! Also, how would they play this game with no hands? 24. Dont attempt to walk through a screen door. My brother has tried this and it doesnt work. True Story! 25. DONT FORGET YOUR WEDDING DAY- PERIOD! (I figured that this would be a good halfway rule) 26. Dont put your hand in a lions cage. 27. Dont run over a beehive with the lawnmower. In fact, dont run over a beehive with anything! 28. Dont throw yourself down the lane with your bowling ball. I have heard that Fred Flinstone has tried this without much success. 29. Dont try to show off to your friends by stealing the cheese from the mousetrap. 30. Dont jump down a flight of stairs. I have done this and broke my arm in the process. True Story! 31. Dont go shopping on Christmas Eve. 32. Dont touch a stove top while it is on. I have heard this can be very painful! 33. Dont walk under a ladder. 34. Dont listen to Justin Bieber. 35. Dont rip off the soda tab. It could fall in the can, and you might end up swallowing it on accident. This has happened to me before. True Story! 36. Dont touch poison ivy! 37. Dont pour salt or pepper in your eyes. 38. Dont chase a bear into the woods to get that close up photo you have always dreamed of. 39. Dont bathe in gasoline! 40. Dont escape into jail. 41. Dont lick dry ice! 42. Dont for any reason microwave yourself. You are hot just the way you are! 43. Dont feel the flame coming out of a flamethrower! In fact, why are you even handling a flamethrower! 44. Dont chew Tylenol! 45. Dont shave with your lawn mower. 46. Dont tie yourself to a propeller for some air flow. I am sure you can you can find a different way to cool down! 47. Dont chew ABC gum, it is not healthy! 48. Dont breathe in car exhaust. 49. Dont drive over a thin layer of ice with your brand new Mercedes. Just give the car to me, I can take good care of it for you! And last but not least...Drumroll Please!...Waiting...Waiting....All right then, no drumroll I guess. 50. DONT GET MARRIED! Two Bonus Rules For This Life Manual 1. Dont make a recipe for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and expect to win the Recipe Contest of June 2012. I heard someone tried this and it failed! 2. Dont get addicted to HubPages! Necessary Disclaimer Regarding This Life Manual All right everyone, I feel it necessary to present to you this disclaimer. There will be someone who, upon reading this, will venture out and attempt to do some of these things. I strongly advise against it! Do not try these things at home, in fact dont try these things out anywhere! Since I am a nice guy, I will let you break two of these rules! #34- If you really want to listen to Justin Bieber, I will grant you the permission. I have to admit, his songs can be catchy. ( I cant believe I just admitted that online to the masses!) #50- I will also grant you the permission to get married! Agreement Uwah
Posted on: Mon, 02 Dec 2013 21:02:49 +0000
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