Nurturing Self-Reliance in Children Betsy Brown Braun March 12, 2014 Its a curious thing about having a self-reliant child: You love that he can take care of himself, and you hate that he doesnt need you. Having a child who doesnt require your attention 24/7 might sound pretty darn good to the parent whose child doesnt give her a moment to herself. But for some parents the thought of their child not needing them is just plain painful. Self-reliance lives under the umbrella of independence. Truth be told, children are actually programmed to be independent. That one isnt so tough if we let it develop naturally. Moving away from you is part of their development. It is we parents who can encourage or thwart the development of independence. The same is true for self-reliance. Children who are independent can become self reliant. These children are self confident because they know how to think for themselves. They are often resourceful, competent, and spontaneous. Who doesnt want her child to be self reliant? There are two essential lessons for parents to learn. The first is that you can set up specific areas in your childs life so that he can be self reliant. The second is that in order to cultivate self-reliance in your child, you need to back off. Parents who hover, now known as the helicopter parents, who involve themselves in much of their childs existence both at home and away, are unlikely to encourage the traits that that signal self-reliance. This child will certainly not get the message that you feel he is a capable and trust worthy person. Here are a few tips for cultivating self-reliance in your children. • Develop rituals of his daily life that do not change. Knowing the way things are always done enables the child to do them for himself. I always brush my teeth right after breakfast. • Create systems that encourage self-reliance. With your childs help make a chart, a list, a pictograph of the things he needs to do before bed or before school, and hang it in a prominent place. Check your list to make sure you are ready for school. It will become his responsibility and not yours. • Facilitate your childs successes by allowing him to do things for himself. Buy a child-size pitcher that you fill with his milk so he can pour for himself instead of More milk, Mom! Divide snacks into portion-size containers in a basket in the pantry from which the child can choose for himself. • Dont be a saboteur by telling your child what to do. Stop yourself from automatically directing (Dont just sit there; take your tricycle out of the mud), explaining (When you dont watch where you are going, you ride into the mud), rescuing (Bring it to Mommy; Ill fix it; dont worry) and assuming (If you dont keep your eye on the path, your bike will go in the mud). The idea is to encourage your child to think for himself. He will learn from his mistakes. • Allow your child to struggle. Refrain from offering a quick fix when your child is having trouble. Sit on your hands and zip up your lips! Instead, support him in his efforts to solve his problems. Wow! You are really working hard to figure that out. You amaze me! These are just a few of the tips that encourage your child to be self reliant. For an expanded discussion and many more tips on the topic, see Youre Not the Boss of Me. This article was originally published in 2010. . . Tags Raising Confident Kids From the Parents Add your own comment! Join Us or Sign in to add your comment Say it! . Similar Articles Girls as Leaders and Friends Eliza Clark - Raising Confident Kids A couple of years ago I was lucky enough to hear Rachel Simmons give a talk about girls and leadership. Simmons is the author of two influential books, Odd Girl Out and The Curse of the Good Girl, and founder of the Girls Leadership Institute, a summ... read more . What Does Leadership Mean for Kids? Ashley Young - Raising Confident Kids One of the big bummers about being a kid is that there is always someone telling you what to do and when and how to do it (but usually not why). Giving kids the opportunity to be leaders means giving them the opportunity to make things happen rather ... read more .
Posted on: Tue, 18 Mar 2014 16:56:50 +0000
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