Off to play a game and try to get things off my mind. My prayer friends on here, please pray for me. Im falling back into depression though I fight it like crazy. I know the problem. A life long problem. When others have more control over my life and emotions than I have I come unglued. Agoraphobics and those who suffer PTSD need a safe house and controlled house and peace, no stress, no drama. Others who do not suffer from such cant understand this and most often could care less. Ive come all this way. Accomplished things no one thought I could. And constantly I feel, Ive done it. Accomplished all I needed to accomplish. And then something happens and I realize Im not finished yet. I still have more to overcome, more to accomplish, more fighting and struggling to do. Ill strengthen up again. Ill stop feeling as I am. But right now Im too damn tired. I know what I need to do. I know what Ill have to do. I need and have to but dont want to. Im tired. I ask God why cant enough be enough? Why cant I just relax and rest now? Im tired. Im so tired. I have to leave this home. I have to move. Start all over all over again. Thats what i came here for and now I have to to do it all over again. But what I want is to stay here and the stuff that hurts me to just stop. I want to rest now. But I aint aloud. I need prayers to just accept this and get up and do what needs to be done. But Ill say this, it aint fair. I feel all people have the right to be as they please and live as they choose as long as it does not hurt others. If it hurts others, they are in the wrong, not the person hurt or affected by them and their choices. I moved here. I had it made. I woke with the sound of birds and went to sleep with the sound of crickets. Thought I had died and went to heaven. That the past was gone and a new life had begun. I should have known better, Nothing stays good in my life very long. Whose to blame this time? How did I bring this shit on myself? So why do I have to suffer?
Posted on: Wed, 21 Jan 2015 07:38:25 +0000
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