Ok. So here it is. Confession time. I hate being alone. Seriously. More than anything in the world. I tend to sacrifice a lot of myself just to have a hand to hold. I also hate wasting my time, whether its in the pursuit of love, or money. And as of late, everythings just kind of caught up with me. Almost two years of sacrifice and frustration. I know Ive had a fairly public meltdown the last two days. I dont handle loss or frustration well, and this last few days has just pushed me into a very dark place. I never meant to burden anyone, or freak anyone out. It was just a guttural, emotionally charged reaction to a building series of events to which I have had absolutely no control. I am grossly unhappy with my life, as it has taken shape over this past year. I love to talk it up as though I am the victim of injustice. And to a point, thats true. But, I need to accept my own failings as well. If I had been better at my job, more attentive to the small things in my relationship, my world would not be in the shape its in. I am a depressed person. I have been for a long long time. I bury it deep, under a ton of bad jokes and pop culture references. My change in job, and subsequent embarrassment surrounding it, and my relationship failure have only brought it into the light. For this, I apologize to all of you. Thank you for listening.
Posted on: Sat, 11 Oct 2014 03:32:35 +0000
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