Ok friends what Im about to say may come as a shock & may be upsetting to some people. But in order for me to heal myself I have to release this burden Im carrying. Keeping this inside is killing me. I will spare everyone the graphic details because I dont want anyone else to be stuck with the images that I cant escape. I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years several months ago. After years of severe emotional and verbal abuse and saving him from many suicide attempts, I decided I just needed my life back. Yet the burden of knowing he would kill himself if he couldnt have me always haunted me. Well last week my biggest fear came true, but in a manner much worse than I could ever have imagined. He had so much anger towards me because I wouldnt take him back, even though he was dating several girls. That morning he set a plan into action to hurt me as bad as he could by making me watch him kill himself. For two hours he hid under my house in wait and also chased me around town. Finally we ended up in my driveway. Sparing yall from the horror of the details, Ill just say that he took a shotgun and pressed it on his chest. He let me scream and beg for his life to torment me. Then he pulled the trigger and shot himself in the chest just a foot from me. I laid my body over his to stop the bleeding because the buckshot just exploded his chest. He kept saying he loved me and was hitting and kicking me to get off of him and let him die. After a while he bled out because he shot his main artery & died underneath me. He was white and cold and died with his eyes wide open looking at me. I just was so out of my mind at that point. He was air medded out and was able to be revived. Hes still in the hospital but will make it. And now I am left to deal with the horror he intentionally put me through. I got diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. And although last week I was a walking zombie and couldnt escape the panic attacks that consumed my day, I will not give him what he wanted by letting him ruin my life. He told friends days later that he wanted to hurt that f....ing b....ch. The only person who ever tried to help him. Well I refuse to give him that satisfaction. I am getting help and am taking safety precautions and I will come out stronger than ever. I have saved him for the last time. Someone else can take over now. Its time to focus on myself. If any of his friends read this and have a problem with it, delete me please. He hasnt told you the truth about what he did. He has said he doesnt remember yet he told my dad all the details when he visited him in ICU. He never apologized and when my dad told him how bad I was doing he didnt care. He only justified his actions by saying he tried to get me back and I refused. None of his friends or family have reached out to me except for one of his coworkers. Most of them are blaming me for his suicide attempt. Well hes had many suicide attempts including hanging himself before we ever dated. He is solely responsible for his life, not anyone else. I pray that he gets better one day. I tried everything I could to help him and even had him committed this winter. Now all I can do is to pray for him from a distance. What he did that day only a monster could do. And for that reason I need to keep him far away from me for my safety.
Posted on: Sun, 02 Nov 2014 08:09:46 +0000
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