Okaaay. Im back to having to force myself to trick myself into moving forward. Its not that I dont believe the spiritual component, I do; its that I dont believe the physical one. And I need to believe the physical one will eventually happen in order to move forward. What I was trying to say yesterday was that I was attempting to take the burden off of everyone else to help me along and instead take that responsibility myself. That way, its all on me. If it is known by all that I am tricking myself, then I save face and I dont feel like I am stupid and that I allowed myself to be made a fool of. I make the conscious choice to trick myself so that I can move forward AND be happy in the present. When I eventually reach the utmost of mental health, I will be in a place where I wont need the fantasy anymore and I will be able to let go of it. See, thats the problem. I dont want to let go of the fantasy of the physical. I want the fantasy to be reality. This is the conundrum....
Posted on: Fri, 07 Nov 2014 13:20:30 +0000
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