Okay, Ive been a good boy and havent brought up the crazy Ex that destroyed me and ruined my life in a while. I have resisted every attempt to call, text, or email her to make sure she is okay, since she was my weakness, and havent thought about her much; but conversations with different people the last 48 hours have made it impossible not to think about her and it.......past tense relationship. I recently said that being with her was the 2nd loneliest experience of my life. If you asked my Mom & Sisters theyd say the 1st was after my Dad died and theyd be right until this year. Ex talk is over in this rant. You see, Ive been around my share of suffering to many different degrees and had my own fair share of it too. I have watched family members and friends slowly wilt from diseases, that would be curable now if it werent for politics, like a fresh spring flower does once its picked. Death and I play shuffle board together and bet on the ponies. He also cheats at cards just FYI. Ive always dreaded the day that some Doctor was gonna tell me its the big C! Maybe you have been in this situation. At a holiday or birthday party and as youre mingling you come across an old friend. They ask how you are and you tell them about the new job, the kids are doing good in school, and the cholesterol is under control; and then you ask them whats new? Then they hit you with some bad news and you say Sorry because youre not really sure what to say. Maybe telling you there is nothing you can say to change their situation will make you feel better cause thats the truth, but the conversation doesnt have to stop there and it often does. This is actually the perfect opportunity to help your sick friend or family. Its as simple as a regular conversation. That person probably really doesnt want to go into great details about their circumstances any way. What they really want to talk about is movies, sports, comic books and any & everything you would normally be bull shitting about. Its those casual conversations that you miss. That leads me back to the loneliest experience of my life. It has happened on a number of occasions to me this year as I have been fighting Epididymitis since December. Look up the symptoms and youll see why I thought it was cancer, but its been a year full of severe pain to mild pain with zero energy, muscle loss, and extreme fatigue to name a few things. No matter how hard I tried or told myself that Positivity Breeds Positivity it was hard to stay positive about anything. When you are in that much pain everything you say comes out sounding grumpy for good reason and the last thing you want to do is bring the people you love down by harping on about your problems. So you go to a Birthday party or a comic con and you may be surrounded by loved ones ...... but they cant help you get better or feel better and you arent the energetic person they remember and you can physically see them getting uncomfortable around you. Thats beyond the loneliest feeling but helpless too. Its a very ostracizing experience. I know now that I have been that guy before too and never even realized it, but everyone does it. Its a natural human reaction. Now that I have been on the receiving end I feel like its important to share. Cause so many times all I wanted was a distraction from my life. To talk about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie or How I Met Your Mother ending or pretty much anything other than my sickness. So hopefully you will keep this in mind if someone tells you they are not doing well. Sometimes they need someone to listen to them and just be there for them. Sometimes they need a distraction from their reality. Sometimes all they need is to get out of their house and have some positive human interaction. AND Sometimes they need a pointless conversation about nothing just to feel like things are some what normal again.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Sep 2014 02:59:25 +0000
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