Okay, Ive been working on a book for a while. It is very different than anything Ive read and I hope that others will find it interesting. I am pretty deep into it, and Id like some feedback, constructive criticism, and opinions. So, I thought ld post paragraphs from chapters and see what everyone thinks. Dont hold back, because I cant make it better, if I dont know what is lacking. Feel free to ask questions, but expect the scenes to be random. I cant exactly give away everything the book is about, or I might not be the first one to write these new ideas. Anyway..here goes. Dont worry about the editing either. Ill get that done later. A tall figure with the color of the great Pharaohs of Egypt appeared out of the giant opening where once Old Faithful’s geyser had fascinated visitors. Now, there was only the deep, wide cave that had become a doorway for the Destroyers to reach the surface. And, the most abhorrent of these beings was standing powerfully with his feet planted freely on the earth. His charcoal hair was pulled tight in a long pony tail, and his face was a bronze beauty which could only be matched by the Sons themselves. Around him, the possessed gathered, bowing and cowering at the same time. “My children, it is our time. I give you free reign to use these pathetic humans as you please. Take their bodies and enjoy them as you will.” His red eyes were lined with the common black of his former life as he looked upon the newly taken mortal bodies. “We have waited long enough. Spread the word among my children that Lucian commands all to take as many human lives as they please. You will take the souls of these mortals and destroy their flesh, until the sky fills with the smoke of their burning corpses and blocks out the sun. This world will be ours now.” Lucian raised his menacing face upwards and roared. That sound reached the ears of the people for miles, striking terror in every heart. It’s many voices screaming in unison was unlike anything known to man. Lucian smiled menacingly, a fire growing in his pupils. Hissing shadows had begun to swarm the entrance, hearing his call to them. He had waited so very long for this moment, knowing it would come. These humans were destined to destroy their own existence, and all Lucian had to do was bide his time. Now, their greed had pierced her heart and opened the doors to the dark prison deep within Mother Earth. She could no longer contain them, and Lucian planned to make sure they were never to be banished again. Some of his fallen brothers had grown content to exist as shadows in the night, watching their human toys play, suffer or thrive, breed, and die. They would make wagers on which humans would become dark souls and join them in their prison. If the mortals thought they knew suffering in the flesh, they were awakened to true agony in the darkness. Though the Destroyers maintained solid figures as they chose, the dark souls were forever shadows. They were hungry to know flesh once more, and Lucian would use that hunger to destroy mankind. He would soon be ruler over all that which the Creator loved so dearly. Once he and his brothers opened enough portals, the sun would never shine through the veil of darkness, and his children would be free to roam as they pleased. In the forever of darkness, they would not need flesh anymore. “Master, I am at your service.” Lucian heard Baal speaking to him in their ancient language. He looked at his feet to see his most loyal servant already possessing the ragged and starved body of some mortal male. “Baal, this body will not last you long. Your hatred is already causing it to fester with boils. Choose your next human more wisely. Find one that is strong in stature and bring a suitable vessel to your brother, Ahaziah. Together, you will begin to raise your army here in this land. There are many sinners here that will come willingly to my call. It won’t be long until your numbers will become a multitude and devour all those that still cling to goodness and light.” Lucian despised the light, because he was the first to be cast down into the prison for his need to use and rule over the Creator’s humans. “Humans are our forbidden fruit, and I have long missed the taste. Bring me a pure and beautiful human woman, so that I may know the pleasure once more of taking her body and destroying her soul.” Lucian smiled down at Baal, knowing this dark child would obey any and all commands he gave him. “Yes, my king. I will gladly do your bidding.” Baal turned to go in search of Ahazaih, then stopped to look once more up at Lucian’s great height. “I beg your pardon for my question, sire. But if you and the Destroyers are free, does this also mean the Good Sons walk the earth also?” Lucian grabbed Baal by his human vessel throat and lifted the frail body. “Do you think that I fear the Sons? Have you forgotten that my power of darkness is no less great if not greater than that which the Sons of light possess. It would be in your favor to never forget that again, or I shall destroy you myself.” Lucian threw the mortal body against the hot walls of the cave, causing it to hiss as the tender flesh burned. Baal pulled himself away from the wall, leaving pieces of skin and meat attached to the steaming stone. “I apologize, Lucian. I will go now and do as I am told. Ahazaih will be as eager as I to enjoy the destruction of these humans we once ruled over in our mortality. They will know once more that we have the power to take their lives as we wish.” Baal hurried back into the darkness of the pit. Though it would have been simple to summon any of his minions with a thought, Lucian wanted to drag out his destruction of the pathetic humans, and in doing so, give his children the chance to play and learn to be soldiers once more. Lucian could feel his former brothers already on the surface although he could not see their light nor locate them with his mind. The separation caused from being cast from the light stole his ability to track their goodness, but he would find them and destroy them also. The Good Sons would be instructed to protect the humans, and Lucian could track any human he chose for they did not have the veil of the true light to block out the darkness. And, their sins of the flesh were a beacon to darkness. Lucian knew that some of his dark brothers had become attached to some of the humans, and he intended to find and destroy those people as quickly as possible. Once their souls belonged to the darkness, his brothers would no longer resist his plans to annihilate the weak mortals of earth. Soon, their forces would be too powerful to be stopped by any guardians of Mother or her children. Lucian lifted his powerful arms in a stretch to loosen his muscled length, looking toward the skies. “I am back, Creator. My freedom will be the end of these humans you loved more than me. Do you test them as you tested your Sons so long ago? As I see it, they have already failed you, so why should you care for them anymore? I am merely here to give them what they deserve for their transgressions.” He knew the Creator could hear his words, but he continued without fear. If the Creator had not turned his back on these people, He would have prevented the breach of the underworld prison. “Do not worry for the believers who still pray to you. I will end their suffering.” With one thought, a long black overcoat with spikes of rubies imbedded in the sleeves covered his body, and heavy boots appeared on his feet. Lucian knew he was as beautiful as any son, and he had used that to his advantage with the mortal women before he’d been banished for planting his seeds in them and creating a new breed of beings. His giant children were murdered by the humans as abominations. Lucian’s sinewy body tightened in anger. He had been restrained by the Good Sons and watched helplessly as his offspring were hunted down to extermination. Then, he was brought before the Creator for punishment along with his other brothers who had also tasted the flesh of women. And, they were cast into the prison in the bowels of the earth for eternity, never to see the true light again. All this time, he had still been able to watch humanity. It was part of their punishment. He and his brothers could sometimes use their minds to enter mortals for a short time, but their power was not strong enough to remain when faced with those humans who had devoted their souls to the true light. Lucian smiled. Those so-called holy ones were rare now for their own people had turned against them in their days of hunger. They had taken all that could be traded for food or other necessities and murdered or cast the true believers out of their great temples. The people had taken out all their frustrations and feelings of abandonment on the temples of light, leaving only ruins behind. Lucian had known then that the time for retribution and his return was imminent. Yes, the mortals would suffer and perish into extinction just as his own great children had so long ago. No one would stop him this time, as long as he reigned with an iron fist as First Destroyer over his brothers and their minions.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 23:14:23 +0000
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