Okay so um I never did this sort of thing before and I was thinking of doing it today. Right.. First thing, Many people who know me are always telling me that Im pretty and skinny, but that is their opinion. But I never feel comfortable with my shape or face, or anything about me. Nothing is perfect about me, not even how I hold objects. I always feel left out or rejected because of how imperfect I feel. I know that nobody is perfect, unless they are two faced and fake. I hate myself for all of this. You only call me pretty because I spend hours doing my hair and make up everyday, ruining my hair and face even more. I always feel like I need to put on make up and do my hair, just to feel pretty. Yet I keep telling other people that they are fine without make up and that they should feel happy with what they look like because true people do bot care what you look like, well, I could NEVER say this to myself. This was one point I made about why i hate myself. Second thing, I always spend hours for others, helping them when they are feeling down or sad, giving them advice. Yet I NEVER gave myself advice or thought of a good person myself. I have a lot to deal with at the moment yet I care mire about others more than I do for myself. I know that I should feel like a good person about this, but really, I dont like myself. Third thing is self esteem and confidence, you should all know that I HATE argument, fights, shouting, harassing or being rude to other people, so I just like to keep out of other peoples business. I never get the courage to say most stuff to peoples faces, I like to do it over text messages, not because Im a coward, just because I get time to think about what Im saying and I actually get a chance to speak without being cut off. This is also why I dislike who I am. Fourth thing, Mr Stephen. You all know how much he means to me and how much I love him. not I dont mean to be ignorant, I do have a girlfriend who I really love. But thing is, I have waited for almost 5-6 years for a teacher like Mr Stephen. I know I will never have him but really, I wish some people could respect my feelings and not go off telling him all this. All I wanted to have a great time at school with him but people had a big mouth and ruined it all because he knows how much I love him. People in life come and go but he was the one who I wish could stay. I will muss him so much and no one knows how many hours I cried each day since he told me he is leaving. Now if Im not supposed to hate myself, I dont know what else to do. it is also bugging me that people are getting excited that school will finish and holidays will come, but for me? Each day I die a little more inside, the closer the last day of term gets, the more my heart breaks. This is probably all I want to say, maybe more but for now this is it. thank you for wasting your precious time in life just to read my life story :(
Posted on: Tue, 15 Jul 2014 19:07:24 +0000
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