Once I decided to start this page & share my journey, I decided to be brave and honest with the hope that it will help inspire others. Ive had some rough moments in my life...I lost my mom to cancer when I was 13, lived with a wonderful father and sister but also with a very mean, overbearing, mentally and verbally abusive grandmother. I lost my dad in February 2013, suddenly, and my heart was broken. Today I lost my nanny and I am feeling undone. I have always felt as if my life was divided in two parts birth-13 and then 13 to the present. My happiest memories were from my early childhood. My mother, father, sister and my nanny (maternal grandmother) were part of those memories. I use to spend weekends with my nanny, she picked my sister and I up from school every Tuesday, I had (& still have) her phone number memorized and would call her often just to talk, even as a little girl. I have short memories as young as 3 with her pushing me in a stroller to the time when she rubbed my back to help me sleep at 23 years old when I ran to her house after a bad breakup with a boyfriend. She stood in for my mother and lit the unity candle at my wedding. These past few weeks, as her health declined, I felt as if I have been in a fog. Trying so hard to focus on the boys and helping others with their health journey-focusing on Dans upcoming birthday & praying the Lord would take her and end the inevitable. All of this has brought back a flood of emotions though. I cried my eyes out earlier hoping she knew how much she meant to me-she was one of my very favorite people in the whole world. I cried for my dad whose death I still cant believe happened-like I told Dan tonight, the Lord doesnt promise fairness nor does he say we will understand things but damn...I feel slighted. I have THE BEST SISTER ever. He gave me a best friend to help shoulder the losses but I just feel like throwing a little this just isnt fair God temper tantrum. I dont want to hear how strong I am, how brave I am...I just want to stop losing people I love. I will say-it sure makes me love the ones I have left here on Earth. God has taken both of my parents and now the best grandmother I could have asked for but he has given me many gifts as well. An amazing husband, 2 healthy children-they are such beautiful souls & amazing friends. I have been stuck all day in a sad sad state and I know the next few days will be equally hard. Im asking for prayers for myself and for my family. My aunt and cousins have been incredibly strong in dealing with her declining health. It is hard to lose a grandmother but I also know how heartbreaking it is to lose a mother, a best friend, an aunt...loss is hard. Please keep our family in your prayers. And again, THANK YOU for joining me on my journey!!! I feel so blessed to have this page. Thank you. XO
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 02:27:05 +0000
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